Sometimes, when you get exactly what you want, you have to step back and remember that..you got exactly what you wanted.
This lesson is sometimes painful to swallow.
Enter life lately.
My previous employment had gone downhill quickly and I was anxious for a way out. I wanted a new job. Apparently, in my mind, this would fix all the problems in my life and make everything ok.
Note to self: Don’t listen to your mind. Sometimes it tells awful lies.
Thus, when I did land a new job it was anything but a fix to all of life’s problems. In fact, the past two months have been two of the hardest I have had in a while. It seems God is testing and trying my faith on every level imaginable and some days, I just want to throw up my hands and give up.
Somewhere in my grand scheme I did not anticipate the fact that starting a new job, finishing a master’s degree, and planning a wedding would be so overwhelming. Or stressful. Or expensive. However, bigger than those issues, I also did not take into consideration that God’s plan for my life may be drastically different then the one I had in mind.
Herein lies the ultimate struggle. I believe God is in control and I was praying hard for a new job. I also know I did not get a job offer on any of my own merits. It was completely God orchestrating the entire scenario. But it is not the scenario I had in mind. As I spend my days reading about utilities, I wonder what God is trying to teach me. I wonder why God would place my adventurous, broken-for-the-least-of-these heart in the midst of corporate America in a town far from adventurous. While I dream of traveling the world and solving the injustices out there, I actually spend my days researching net metering or solar power or why such and such electric company did this or that (I know, you are all so intrigued by my line of work).
Today though, God brought me back to Jeremiah 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Have you ever read the next verse? It says, “Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.” Check out the first word- Then. I am not a Bible scholar, but that word stood out to me today. God has a plan for my future, He has told me that. So what then am I supposed to do? I am supposed to call on Him and pray and know that He is listening. Somewhere in the busyness of a new job, school, and a wedding, I forgot the most important thing. I forgot to stop, pray, and listen. I failed to realize what I viewed as a wrong turn was God’s glorious plan being lived out in my life. It was my chance to cast all my cares on Him and trust He knows my heart and He has a plan.
Right now, I do not understand His plan. I don’t have the answers to the questions nagging in my heart. But I don’t have to understand to pray, listen, and trust in His ways which is exactly what I plan to do.
