So lately I have been really convicted on the whole idea of fasting and praying. I think it is a lost art in our culture today. And I also don’t believe that fasting has to be limited to food. Due to some health issues, fasting food is not healthy for my body and I always used that as an excuse to just not fast. But God has really convicted me that it is the heart and idea behind fasting that He wants. He wants a heart that is willing to give something up that is important to really focus in on Him. So for me that thing that is a struggle or takes time is shopping. I really enjoy it and working in retail has increased the time I spend at the mall so spending money on things I don’t need has become very easy. Especially since everything is ALWAYS on sale! 🙂 So I am going to fast spending money on anything but food and bills (to keep my landlord happy) for the next 30 days.

Why? Well..

God has really impressed on my heart that He is in the business of doing big things, but wants us to earnestly seek Him for those things. The purpose for the fast is to spend the next 30 days in serious pray about my missions trip and the support I am raising for that. I would like to be at $3,000 by March 1. That would put me in a very good position to have all my money raised on time. It is a lofy goal and I am tempted to put God in a box and say with the state of the economy that is impossible. But I am going to bathe that desire in prayer and fasting for the next 30 days and see what God will do with a heart that is tender to His moving. So here goes-I will keep you posted on how God works!

God works in truly amazing ways. One of them through blessings. I have been really convicted lately of how I spend my money and God has pressed upon my heart the need to be faithful to tithe and to support fellow Christians as well as love those who do not know Christ through my giving. And while giving does not mean simply giving of our money, it is a part of it. And a part that I have felt convicted to work on. The Bible tells us in Luke 12:27-28, “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” The news about the economy is bleak, but we serve a God who is bigger than all that and I believe will provide if we are being faithful. As I have given outside my means at times I have seen God provide in ways I could not imagine. He provided a car after mine was totaled. and He is daily providing funds for my trip to Africa. I need to raise $5,000 and I am almost 2/5 of the way there! It is humbling and awe-inspiring. The more that is being given to me, the more that I feel compelled to give to others. And the more I am blessed by God.

So give more than you think you can and watch God do more than you ever thought He would!

So I started a Bible study today on the Patriarchs. I have to say I think this one is going to be good. I have only finished one day of study and I am already in love with it. But God has been preparing me for this for awhile. There is within me a “holy discontent.” A frustration with the way things are and the way Christians act. I have been reading some books by some radical thinkers this semester and God is stirring within me a passion for Him and to change the world. Granted, I have always had dreams of changing the world, but slowing I am seeing God define for me where He wants my focus.

But back to the study-today we started studying the first part of Abram’s life. (before he became Abraham) And the story stuck out to me like it never has. God finds Abram in the midst of idoltry and gives him a command. Leave and go. Leave where you are and go to where I have called you. And Abram goes. He picks up his wife and follows God. The author of the study pointed out that perhaps God used Abram because He knew that Abram would go. That he would follow God’s command. I want to be that person. I want God to use me because I am willing to leave and go. The passions God is stirring within me are exciting. I am figuring out how to sort through some of my frustrations and how to make my faith MY faith. Not my parents or my churches, but mine. and my prayer as I sort everything out and seek direction is that I would have a heart that is willing to leave and go. To trust that taking the step of faith and going is all God wants. I don’t need to know all the details or plans, I simply need to be willing.

Things with God have been amazing lately. I committed at the beginning of this year to read through my Bible throughout this year and to really get involved in some intensive study and accountability. I started a Beth Moore Bible study entitled Believing God with several girls from my church. It has been stretching already and we just started three weeks ago. I have also made my daily quiet time more of a habit then it has ever been in my life. My prayer time has been good and I have seen God increase my faith and devotion to Him.

But..there’s always a but..:) I have also seen Satan attack me on all levels. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It is amazing how weary I have gotten lately..and I step back and realize my daily life is a spiritual battle. I spend a lot of time among people who don’t claim Christ as their Savior, I have been not feeling well in a long time, and I have been very overwhelmed with classes and professors who claims truths opposite to my beliefs. I have realized the importance of putting on my spiritual armor and my lack of doing so a lot of the time. Here I am spending every day in battle, but forgetting to put on my armor. No wonder I am tired and feeling attacked and often defeated. I saw at camp this summer how strong the battle is between the spiritual forces and am being challenged daily to continue to spend time in reading my Bible and prayer.

Eph. 6: 10 Finally, be strong in the Lord, and in the strength of his might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world-rulers of this darkness, against the spiritual [hosts] of wickedness in the heavenly [places]. 13 Wherefore take up the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and, having done all, to stand. 14 Stand therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 withal taking up the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the evil [one]. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: 18 with all prayer and supplication praying at all seasons in the Spirit, and watching thereunto in all perseverance and supplication for all the saints,

May that be my daily prayer!

I have realized as of late, I tend to be a bit of a drama queen. I think I always knew this, but it has become more evident as of late. I tend to react in very dramatic ways-usually tears are involved and always either the worst possible or best possible scenario is playing out in my mind. All this to say that things rarely turn out how I imagine them and I am left feeling a little stupid for overreacting and trying to clean up all the messes I have made. Thankfully, I am slowly learning that often saying nothing is often best. That giving myself some time to think through before reacting is best-which, yes, is something I should have learned a long time ago, but nevertheless has become of great help lately. I can think of several times in the past few months where I’ve freaked out trying to figure something out or because I lost something and getting soo upset when there really was nothing I could do. Especially when it comes to my future-I get sooo upset when people ask me about what I want to do or tell me that I should do this or that, when they are really just trying to help or be interested in my life. Granted, I have no idea where God will lead me and I am slowing learning to enjoy the ride and not always be anticipating the end. I realized life might be a little more enjoyable if I stop to smell the roses instead of moving ahead without even noticing them. So goal for the next few weeks-enjoy the end of my semester and smell the roses around me..and not be so dramatic. There just isn’t any reason to be.

This has been a crazy semester and it just started. I think I’ve already logged more time in the library then is good for any normal person. But oh well..hopefully the good grades will pay off someday. On a different note, I have become very thankful for little moments of encouragement. Like Sunday night when one of my sorority sisters and I decided to start praying together! and then yesterday, Angela called and said she was coming to see me!! and a few minutes later I got a call from one of my very good friends at camp! They were gifts from God as I sat in the library studying for a statistics test that I must pass!!

And my time in the Word has been really good lately. God has been blessing that and the time I have to spend alone.

And Friday or Sunday..depending on if you talk to me or Shawn is our two month–:) I’m excited..He is amazing. Too bad I am here and he is not..but I might get to see him in November which would be super exciting!

Back to work..