Or what I am learning about the word “never”

Rewind a little to July 15th, 2010.  I packed up my belongings and said goodbye to Southern Indiana vowing NEVER to return. Sure, it had been an ok five or so years, but I was done. I was not coming back.

Moved overseas, had a an awesome year, blah, blah, blah…

It’s now July 12th, 2011 and what am I doing? Packing up again to move back to Southern Indiana. Literally almost a year from the day that I said I was leaving for good.  Every single door opened and so clearly fell into place that I had to eat my “I am never moving back” statement. Apparently, God was not finished with me in Southern Indiana.

Today is May 11th. Which means I am pretty close to a full year of living back here. And the other day, I caught myself saying, “I am never staying here.”  As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back.  History has shown I should be careful with my never statements. However, the bigger issue lies in the battle going on inside over trusting that God’s plan for my life is worth following.

I spent much of my college years questioning why God opened the doors for me to move to Southern Indiana.  After four years of struggling to fit in, to find a community, and to actually enjoy living here, I was done. I was moving overseas and never coming back. Unfortunately, my stint overseas did not last quite as long as I had planned and in this economy, an on-the-spot job offer is not something you turn down.  Couple that with an acceptance letter to graduate school and I had exactly what I wanted in the exact place I never wanted to be.

But I moved. I followed what I believed to be the next step. And you know what, an odd thing has happened. Slowly and surely, God has been showing me that this is exactly where He wants me, at least for the time being. It has shown up in things like:

-New friends that I can’t imagine life without

-Best friends that I imagine will still be there in 50 years

-An unexpected lunch that turned into a HUGE source of encouragement

-A church that is my community, home, and lifeline

-A job that I love

-The opportunity to pursue a Master’s degree

-And a love for life that can only come from my relationship with God

More importantly, I am learning that God’s ways are always higher than my ways. I am learning that the best way to see God work is to dig in where He has planted you.  Am I still secretly hoping I am not here forever? Sometimes, but each day I am taking my future and placing it in God’s hands. As I do that, I am digging in, throwing in, and living it up right here right now. Location irrelevant, I am going to continue to serve, love, and live life to the max. Because no matter where you are, it will be miserable if you are constantly thinking being someplace else would be better. Or you are doubting that God is really as faithful as He says He is.

So today, join me. Dig in and bloom wherever you are. Enjoy life to the fullest and trust, as I am, that when the time is right God will move. Until then, apparently He has more in store for me right here where I am.

What makes you cry?

What messes with you?

What punches you in the gut?

What can’t you stand?

What wrecks you?

What  makes  you mad?

What is your Holy Discontent?

Holy– Belonging to, derived from, or associated with a divine power. sacred; specified, set apart for a religious purpose

Discontent-a restless longing for better circumstances

A restless longing for better circumstances based on the sacred, not the temporal. An alignment of our hearts with God’s heart for the world.  The idea comes from a sermon by a guy named Bill Hybels. You can download the message here. I highly recommend it.

However, today the question was asked to my church.  In the middle of a sermon series on prayer that has been challenging me each Sunday, this question was posed. As I sat and listened to a passage on Nehemiah-a guy wrecked by the destruction of a city, I began thinking of my own struggle with holy discontent. It comes down to one number.

27 million.

A huge number. In dollars, you would be rich. And that number makes a lot of people rich. However, it makes me sick. Literally. It makes me furious. Angry. It brings tears to my eyes. It is why I am doing what I am doing. It is the number I will spend my life fighting. That number represents one word:

Slavery. 

Perhaps my mom should have been worried when her 5th grader was reading books like Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Perhaps this was always my calling. Regardless, I can tell you that the last three years have been a journey into the dark world of human trafficking. I have read more, watched more, listened more, gave more, prayed more, and spent more time devouring anything I could on this topic. I have altered my shopping patterns, my finances, my time, and the direction of my life to spend it focused on fighting that number. Because in a world with resources and wealth aplenty, no one should be beaten, bruised, tortured, trapped, raped, and killed for someone’s elses pleasure. It is injustice at its fines and it is fast becoming the number one global crime industry racking in billions upon billions of dollars because unlike drugs which long has held the number one spot, a human can be sold over and over and over. 8 times a night. 7 days a week. 52 weeks a year.

The beauty of holy discontent is that it messes with each of us differently. Our church was tweeting about it all morning and as I read the things that wreck people, I was instantly reminded that it is not about being capable or having the perfect resume or the right answers or the most experience. It is about the thing that keeps you up at night. The thing that breaks your heart. The thing that causes you to abandon all societal norms in the pursuit. For me it is the injustice of slavery. For others it is divorce, or drugs, or religiosity, or poverty, or homelessness. But in all of it, God is discontent. And while sometimes I wish He would come down and wipe every pimp off this earth, I believe that He can and will use the passion and desires in my heart to effect change. My job is just simply to ask, seek, pray, and do.

What is your holy discontent? Figure it out and feed it. Pray about it. Learn about it. Fight against it. And never ever let become content. Keep that restlessness that comes with it. Only then will God use us to change the world.

I borrowed this from my friend Matt’s blog. Check him out here and see what awesome adventure he is up to.  This is going to be my prayer for over the next several months and I challenge you to consider what areas perhaps you need to be a little more uncomfortable in.

“May the Lord bless you with discomfort at easy answers,

half truths and superficial relationships, so that you may live 

deep within your heart.

May God bless you at anger, at injustice, oppression, and

exploitation of people so that you may work for justice,

freedom and peace.

May God bless you with tears that shed for those who suffer

from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach

out your hand and comfort them so that their pain may be turned

to joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you

can make a difference in this world so that you can do what others

claim cannot be done.”
 

-Franciscan Benedictin 

So I quit. I give up. I am done trying to fit into the mold. Because really, who made the mold anyways?

I am 25. Single. And not looking.

I don’t want a nice house with a white picket fence and a two car garage.

I could care less about climbing the corporate ladder or having a 6-figure income.

I want to spend my life serving the people who Jesus served-the poor, the captive, the broken, the people on the margins of society.

And I have been trying for far too long to fit into what society or the church or my friends thought I should be, but I am done.

Jesus said in John 15:18-19, ” If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.”  Those are pretty harsh words and I do not believe they speak much to fitting into the status quo. Now before you go off and start a weird for Christ group (which I think is the wrong idea), remember that Jesus’ teachings were radical. He came into a society that was built on classes of people and invited the poor and the outcast into society. He stopped and paid attention to those that most people walked by. He healed the people who were cast off as no better than the dogs. He loved the sinner and tax collector and poor alike. His gospel proclaimed justice and righteousness and peace and compassion. Oh, and how did the religious society react? They hung Him on a cross.

Last week I heard a speaker say,”Followers of Jesus are a huge threat to the status quo when acting out justice” and it resonated with me. For so long I have struggled with feeling like I did not fit in. I was not part of the “in” group no matter what situation I was in. Over and over I run into situations where I just feel different and cast out and left out. And I spent a long time trying to fit in while trying to maintain a sense of independence that left me frustrated, confused, and angry.   Because as much as I want to be included, I refuse to sacrifice who I am. I cannot do it. And that makes me a target for being left out.

Stop what you are doing and look up Isaiah 58. Read it and then come back. I have been reading Isaiah 58 everyday for the past week. I am 7 days into a 30 day challenge given to me. And each and every time I read those verses I am increasingly convinced that if Jesus were to come back today He would be disappointed in how we have so often twisted His message. What type of fast have we chosen? What are we spending our lives on?

How often do we leave people feeling left out and inadequate despite the fact that Jesus came proclaiming that it has NOTHING to do with us? Did you hear that?? I am loved and accepted by Christ because of who He is. Not because of anything I do or don’t do or have or don’t have. I am exactly who I am and perfect in that because Christ said so. Because He died on a cross. So really, what right do we have to create a mold or a standard which people are supposed to achieve. When did being married become the point when life begins? (and yes, that is the message that is so often preached). Just once I would love to hear a pastor get up and preach a sermon to single people and throw in a “oh and if you married, encourage your single friends.”  But really, that is not even the point. It’s so much bigger then that. When did we decide we have the position to create positions? Because I am pretty sure in trying so hard to fit in, we have lost what it means to truly follow Jesus. What other reason could explain the lack of differences among church and non-church goers? We have the same divorce rate, the same teen pregnancy rate, the same cars, and houses, and tvs. We talk the same and dress the same. And when someone comes along and challenges that, we do our best to quiet them or write them off as radical or liberal.

Yet, in India you can rape a girl for the cost of a latte. 27 million people are enslaved right now as you are reading this. A generation is growing up fatherless. Sweat shops produce most of the stuff we use. The gap between rich and poor is widening. And because I am determined to change that, I am labeled. Because I will not sit by and be quiet, I will probably never fit in. I don’t really mind though because I serve a Savior that never really fit in. In fact, He came to bring a message that was subversive and radical and so against society that they did whatever they could to squash it. They killed Him, they killed His followers, they made it illegal, they burned Bibles, and they labeled them as radicals.

But last time I checked love was a pretty radical concept. Love that says I accept you. I will die for you. I will become sin so you can walk into eternity sinless. And I expect you to love as I love. Radical concept. And definitely not status quo.

You have probably noticed this.

Christians or people who claim to believe in God are judged more harshly. If you put a Christian and someone who does not claim a religion next to each other and had them do the same thing, more than likely, the Christian would be more harshly criticized.  For a long time, I really struggled with this. It did not seem fair. Until I was talking to a friend the other day who does not profess a belief in anything really.  They also happen to work with a lot of Christians. And as they went on about their work situation, I was getting really frustrated. These people who claimed the same religion I did were being a horrible example.  And it was not an isolated incident. It was a consistent lifestyle. And that was when a lightbulb came on.

We should be held to a higher standard.

If I claim to be a follower of Jesus, then my life should absolutely be held to a higher standard, judged more harshly, and looked at more closely. I know, a lot of you are probably disagreeing with me here because it isn’t fair. And you are right, it is not fair. There is nothing fair about it. There was also nothing fair about Jesus dying on the cross for me or you. And I will argue that it is Biblical. That the Bible commands us to act differently.

-We should be the best workers in our jobs. 

Colossians 3:23-24 says, “²³ Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴ since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”  You are not working for a manager or someone higher up in the corporate chain, you are working for the God you claim to serve. This should make you the hardest worker at your job. It should make a person of high integrity. You should be an example to your co-workers. Your performance at your job is probably the biggest testimony you have to an unbelieving world. I am also convinced that this  is the biggest area where those of us who claim to be Christians lose our standing. Where our message is muted and ignored.  Where we just look like people who have to get up early six days a week instead of five.

-We should be more generous.

I Timothy 6:17-18 states, “¹⁷ Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. ¹⁸ Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. “  God does not bless us so that we can “keep up with the Jones'”, instead He blesses us so that we can bless others. Are your finances reflective of a God that has entrusted you with His resources? Do we have nicer houses, nicer cars, and nicer clothes then everyone else around us? These things are not necessarily bad, but are they a replacement for meeting bigger needs in the kingdom of God? Could we give up a little for many to have a lot?

-We should be more loving and kind.

 John 13:35 “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” There should be a marked difference in the way we treat fellow believers and the way we treat people in general. God calls us to love our neighbor as ourselves.  He calls to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, and love the brokenhearted. Our churches should be marked by unity and love. Our relationships should look different. The way we talk to and about each other should separate us. The way we treat people should make people question. If instead we are rude, mean, and exclusive, what chance do we have of sharing the love of Christ? And honestly, why bother? There are enough mean, rude, and exclusive people out there-should not we be different? Be the breath of fresh air in the world that increasingly only cares about itself.

-We should be better husbands and wives.

Ephesians 5:24-25 says, “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,” I do not have experience in this area, but I can tell you that my parents set the bar high for what a marriage should look like. And I believe that within the church, marriage should look different. We should treat each other better and we should work harder at keeping them strong and secure.

 And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

We should be different. Not weird different. But different. Our lives should be a reflection of the Christ we claim to serve. If this is not the case, then what reason do we have to believe that other people would want to believe in Him? It is not a matter of being perfect. No one is. But it is a matter of consistency. When you are consistently different and honest when you do mess up, the message that is sent is loud and clear. When you are not, the message is a muddled mess. It causes people to question why they should follow this God you claim to serve. And sometimes I do not blame them. I know people who make me want to throw in the towel. Because the goal is not perfection, the goal is honesty and a lifestyle that is marked by an attitude that says this world is not my home. An attitude that accepts people as they are, that loves people where they are at, and that above all exemplifies the life that Christ has called us to live. Anything short of that deserves to be harshly judged.

Audacious:  adjective

1.extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless

2.extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive

3.recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like; insolent; brazen.

4.lively; unrestrained; uninhibited

 

 

 

 A few years ago I made two decisions. One of them was a conscious, well-thought out decision. Simply put,  I was going to live life to its absolute fullest, face my fears, and throw caution to the wind. The second, I believe was more of a subconscious determination. I was going to make sure I never had to worry about my finances. Even if this meant working multiple jobs, which it normally did.  Those two decisions came from the same place-high school. After another job loss and another period of uncertainty about how far the money was going to go, I decided in my heart I did not ever want to experience this again. Sure, I trusted God, but I was not sure I could handle the continued stress of trusting Him over my finances. And since I spent a lot of high school feeling like I was always stuck in the shadows, I was determined to change this upon graduation.   Well, 6 years later, I have accomplished the two quite nicely. I worked several jobs all through college and have honestly never really worried much about money-I always had enough to live a crazy fun life. I have traveled the world, finished a triathlon, a half-marathon, and too many other races to name,  jumped out of a plane, and worked summer jobs that were way too much fun to be considered jobs. 

Then, in May, I moved home from my tropical island and shortly thereafter took a job back in Evansville to pursue my dream of going to graduate school.  Initially, things were ok. But the past two weeks have been a constant back and forth of stress and tears over how I was going to pay for all the bills I suddenly have.  Apartment rent, insurance, and utilities are not exactly cheap. Thus, I started to look for a second job. Actually, it would be job #3 as I am already working occasionally at the mall. I found one. It would have fit pretty perfectly in my schedule aside from meaning I would have to give up two nights of sleep a week, but when push comes to shove, I am a pretty motivated and determined person.  The extra money would have left me a nice cushion each month and left me essentially worry free. Until a conversation with a friend stopped me dead in my tracks.

Phil 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Matt 6:35 says, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

Phil 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Isaiah 58:10-11 say, “¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
   and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
   he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
   and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like a spring whose waters never fail. “

That’s when it hit me. Working multiple jobs has always been my plan. Somewhere along the road, I decided that I was going to safe-guard my life so that I did not have to be anxious over my finances. I am not rich by any means. I do not have excess, but I have always had plenty.  Ironically, in my small group we have been studying a book called Sun Stand Still. I highly recommend it and will probably blog more about it later when we finish. The premise of the book is living by audacious faith-the kind that allows you to pray prayers asking for the sun to stand still.  Go back up and read the definition of audacious. I like the idea of living extremely original and fearless-audacious. But beyond that, I came to the conclusion that I had no problem living an audacious life in the here and now, but when it came to trusting in God, audacious is probably the exact opposite of the word I would use.  My answer, get a second job, which while doable would probably not have been enjoyable. God’s answer, trust Him because at the end of the day, I am most happy when I am serving and giving.

Thus, things will be tight. Extremely tight. I will have to be disciplined and careful, but I do not have to be anxious. While God does move mountains, I also strongly believe He can provide for a hair cut or an electric bill to be paid if those are currently the pressing needs. I can point to time and time again He has done just that in my life. So I turned down the job and took perhaps one of the first true steps of faith I have taken in a long time. I am giving up the fear, the worry, the anxiety in return for peace, faith, and an ultimate trust based in the faithfulness of a Savior that does not fail. Perhaps the world may say this is not the smartest move. I am not even sure it is, but faith often defies logic.

This is my audacious move. What is yours?