I am finished!! Grades are posted and I finished out the semester maintaining my 4.0.  Apparently, the 72 pages I wrote between Thanksgiving and December 7th were alright. I am thinking I should consider a career in writing, although few people are probably interested in the effects of bureaucracy on the country of India.  The more exciting fact is not only am I finished with this semester, I am half-way through my master’s degree. One year is officially D.O.N.E!

I wish I could say after one year I have a clear direction and know exactly what I want to do with the rest of my life and have figured out how to save the world and end poverty and human trafficking. Sadly, all I can really tell you is I can write about 8 pages an hour when I am under pressure, article abstracts are a gift from heaven, and reading your textbooks is overrated. I am no more sure of the future than I was a year ago and change my mind most weeks on what I want to do next. Ironically, I have become very much at peace with the unknown. I am learning the joy of living in the moment and being thankful for Christmas breaks and long weekends. I am learning how to be content right here right now. I am learning to take deep breaths and be thankful for the wonderful life I am living.

See, I have always been a “hurry up and get to the next stage” type of person. The destination has been the focus, not the journey and I would rarely stop to smell the roses. I was usually more frustrated about the “thorns” tearing up my skin and keeping me from running as fast as I would like to the next milestone. Eventually, I get there-wherever there is– a tangled mess and wait just long enough to stop bleeding and start the process all over again in pursuit of the next destination point. The past year, life has taught me the beauty in the journey. I have learned how wonderful life can be when you slow down and smell the roses. Although slowing down is a metaphor and not an actual picture of my life. Between juggling a full-time job, two master’s level classes, several volunteer opportunities, a relationship, and an avid workout schedule, slow is anything but descriptive of my life. The difference is I am not rushing to get anywhere. I am digging in and throwing in here. I am learning to be at peace with today. I am learning the value in not complaining and in viewing life as an endless array of opportunities to love and give. Oh, and I am learning how much of a nerd I truly am! No matter how much I may rant, I secretly love every minute of graduate school, of writing papers and skimming textbooks (because let’s be honest, who in their right mind really wants to read 200 pages on bureaucracy in India:) ).

Something amazing happens when you stop rushing to the next milestone.  You start to notice the colors around you and see how wonderful and vibrant life is right here right now.  You embrace the moment. And you do things like drive 14 hours to see your grandparents for a day. When you see life for what it is today, you are able to drink in the moments as they come and appreciate the fleeting minutes you have with those around you. Life becomes more about the people you share it with, the memories you make, and the experiences at hand.  No, it’s not a tropical island and some days I still miss my life over there, but that experience has made the rest of life so much richer and full.  And if I hadn’t moved back to Evansville, I would not have met the man of my dreams, found a church I love, and discovered how truly wonderful life can be when you dig in and invest where you live.

So take a minute and stop and smell the roses or a Christmas tree and remember the importance of today and the value of those around you.

“Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.” Malachi 3:10

For the past several years, Malachi 3:10 has been one of my favorite verses. I have given until it hurts at times and constantly tried to stretch myself in the area of giving and being generous of my finances, time, and talents. Never for personal gain, but because I genuinely believe we cannot out-give God.  

In taking this journey, God has really tested my ability to trust Him. I left Saipan without a job or a plan.  I moved back to Southern Indiana with a job and started a Master’s degree. I have fought hard to trust God with the future, my finances, and my health. And He has never failed me. So a few months ago when I knew very clearly God was calling me to Myanmar, I once again had the opportunity to trust God to provide.  I will admit, I have never had any desire to go to Myanmar.  Odd because I am pretty game for going almost anywhere, but Myanmar scared me. And my heart was so broken in Africa, I was not sure it had room for more orphans and widows. But the door opened so clearly, I knew I had to walk through it. I had no idea how I was going to swing it, but in everything I believe God is faithful to provide.

You see, my mother instilled in me at a very young age the belief God would provide. She has never worried about where food or clothing or money to pay the bills would come from and despite my father being unemployed for several extended times over the last ten years, she has never worried.  I paid very close attention to her amazing ability to trust God. And even now when I struggle or stress out about my finances, she is always there to remind me we serve a God who is in the business of providing for our needs if we will just trust Him.

The hard part was, I live very tightly to a narrow budget. I save my money, give a pretty good portion away, and try hard to spend very little. I don’t have cable, I haven’t gone to a movie in almost a year, I keep my apartment hot in the summer and cold in the winter to save every penny I can on electric bills. I shower at the gym to save water. I save a good chunk of my pay check every month. Sure, I may be a little extreme, but I want to have the ability to give and bless others so I live pretty tightly.

As of this week, I have all the money I need to cover my trip which is a miracle in and of itself!! God is soo good and I am so thankful for the people in my life who contributed to my trip and sacrificed so I could go. However, I only have one week of vacation and I will be gone for two so I was a little worried about covering all my bills in January. Sadly, just because I won’t be here doesn’t mean I can skip on my bills.  Which brings me to the point of this whole post.

This morning I went to pay my electric bill because it is due on the 19th and I just got paid. It was actually really cheap this month because I hadn’t run the heat or air for the whole month prior! When I logged on to my account it showed there was a negative balance which was weird to me, but I figured it was just a clerical error so I paid my bill and got a message saying “The amount paid is more than the amount due.” I called Vectren and there was a payment to my account for $200 earlier in the week. My jaw almost hit the floor. I didn’t even have $200 in my bank account earlier in the week and the lady on the phone assured me several times it was an actual payment. She refunded me the payment I had just made and told me to have a nice day. I hung up the phone and just sat there, tears in my eyes, and an overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness. I have no idea who paid my bill. I have no idea why. But I can tell you my heart is broken and humbled by the willingness of a stranger to cover something so practical and meaningful.

So thank you. Whoever you are. Thank you for blessing my life. Thank you for believing in me. And thank you for giving of your hard-earned money. I have no doubt it was a sacrifice. I also can assure you I will pass on the blessing to someone else.  

I will be the first to admit I am not a political person. In fact, I do my best to avoid politics. However, during an election year, avoiding politics is about as easy as living under a rock. It is everywhere-the TV, the newspaper, my Twitter and Facebook, and even in many of the conversations people want to have. However, I have always struggled with how involved Christians become in politics. As I read my Facebook feed this morning I was utterly disappointed in my Christian brothers and sisters. One post referred to Obama as the anti-Christ, others were speaking of how “disappointed” they were Christians failed to vote “right” (whatever that means), and most were just full of gloom and doom.

We live in one of the most prosperous nations in the world. We have the freedom to vote in a democratic election. We have the freedom to worship as we want, say what we think, and pretty much do what we want. Today our little girls will head off to school without fear of being shot in the head. Today majority of Americans will eat at least one decent meal, most of us will eat three or four. Today we have an elected leader who will continue in office peacefully. No blood was shed. No lives were lost in this election.  We are a nation pouring millions of dollars into the  restoration of the devastation caused by a natural disaster. We will rebuild our homes, roads, and buildings.  Our lives will continue on. There is hope.

I suppose I am most disappointed in it all because I feel like as  Christians we have forgotten our mission. We have forgotten why we serve the Savior of the world. It is not so we can have a say in who is elected to a man-made throne. We serve Him because He first served us and died for us. In that death, He called us to love the brokenhearted, feed the hungry, clothe the naked, visit the sick and imprisoned, and go and make disciples. He called us to be His hands and feet in this world.  Quite frankly, I highly doubt the hands and feet of Jesus would be bashing our elected leader. In fact, I am pretty sure Christ loves and cares for President Obama just as much as He loves and cares for you and I firmly believe that if the American church would step up and truly decide to become the image of Christ on earth, it would not matter who was in office. If we would spend less money on building projects and more money on serving the needs of those around us, we may not need Obamacare. If we loved and accepted everyone equally, we may not have to worry so much about whether abortion was legal or not. And if we all got together and rallied around a mission to love and serve the world, no government would be able to stand in the way because with God on our side, who can be against us?

So today, before you make another remark on how awful our nation is going to be because of an imperfect elected leader, remember who you serve and who is ultimately the judge and ruler. Otherwise, I am going to stop claiming some of you as friends because you are just embarrassing me.

I have $1545 raised towards my

Myanmar trip!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God is soo good!!!  In a month, I have raised half the funds I need to go!  I have spent the last month researching grants, organizations already working over there, and praying.  I am getting so excited about the trip and more importantly the spiritual journey I am embarking on. God is daily breaking my heart and teaching me to trust Him for each and every detail of my life. Even down to things like raising money and paying bills.

I still need to raise $1,455 so if you would like to support my trip, I would love to send you a letter or sit down and chat with you!  I am fully confident God will provide and I am so thankful for those of you who have already sacrificed to make my trip a reality! Your giving hearts have made my day!!!!  I love you all!!

I am going!!!  Please read below for all the details:)

Dear friends and family,

I hope this letter brings with it some cooler weather and finds you healthy, happy, and enjoying all the wonderful things fall has to offer! Some of you, I talk to and see every day and some of you are constantly in my thoughts despite distance and schedules separating our ability to communicate daily.  Life has changed a lot over the past several years, and I am about to embark on a new exciting adventure!

Four years ago this time, I was sending out a similar letter in preparation for a trip to Africa. I was getting ready to graduate college and anxious for my 2 months in Africa. Those two months changed my life and I have since taught English as a Second Language on the other side of the world, jumped out of a plane, watch my little brother get married, and tackled a full-time job and graduate school. In the midst of all of that, God brought me face to face with the issue of human trafficking. The knowledge I have gained through study and conferences has motivated me to act. The first step-heading off on a two-week trip to a small Southeast Asian country called Myanmar.

The organization I will be going with is Uncharted International. As time progresses, Uncharted hopes to be actively involved in fighting and preventing human trafficking. As I hope to get more involved, I know that the first step for me is to go. I want to meet the orphans in our orphanages. Talk to leaders. And see this beautiful country for myself.

So in the midst of perhaps what I would feel is poor timing, I feel God calling me to trust Him and make plans to travel to Myanmar with a team from Uncharted International January 5-17,2013. The total cost of the trip will be $3,000 and I am a little behind on the support raising.  I believe we were supposed to have $1,700 in last Saturday! But they are willing to work with me and I am committed to trusting God for those funds.

If you would be willing to partner with me spiritually or financially as I continue this journey, I would be honored.  While the number seems daunting to me, I serve a God who is bigger than $3,000. I will be sending most of you letters, but if you want to be included in that list send me an email through here with your address and I will put one in the mail!!

Seriously.

Normally I write blog posts after much thought, contemplation, and serious reflection.  Today, however, I just need to write because right now I am not sure I could tell you which way is up.

Three years ago I spent a very transformative two months in Africa. Life-altering is perhaps a better word. I mean, literally, the direction I thought my life was going in took a 180 degree turn. And while I could share with you story after story of why, it really boils down to one 30 minute home visit in which a naked child sat on my lap. In that moment, I felt helpless, out-of-place, and unsure of the direction my life was heading.  As I came home, I wrestled long and hard with what I had seen and what it meant for my life. The past three years have been an intensely personal journey of trying to figure it out.

The journey has led me to the other side of the world and back, to changed career paths, changed life goals, and changed degree plans.  However, one thing remained-the constant picture in my mind of poverty. A picture which now had a name and a face. 

My world was rocked once again when I was met head on with the issue of human trafficking.  I was instantly broken over a global crime racking in billions at the expense of precious lives. Tears flowed and my altered life course focused. No matter where I was in life or what I was doing, fighting human trafficking would be part of it. 

It started small. Reading books, attending conferences, and adjusting my spending habits. I spent a lot of time researching out companies and labor practices.  I looked at jobs and organizations fighting this crime and what the needs were and what I could do.  I started identifying my strengths and what I had to offer. And I went back to school. If for no other reason then to give myself some added credibility. 

Then I attended the Global Leadership Summit and something inside me shifted.  I am a planner. I love to plans things, but sometimes I sell myself short on the action side of things.  I always blame it on lack of qualification or experience or a myriad of other reasons why it would not work if I attempted it. Leave it to someone else.   And then one of the pastor’s at my church said something that changed my life (and he probably did not even realize it!).

He said..

Your right, you’re not qualified.

At first I was a little taken aback. It seemed like a blunt thing to say to someone sharing their dream with you. And then it hit me.  He was right. I am not qualified. But I serve a God who uses the unqualified. Who prepares the called. And who does the impossible.

During the last three weeks, things have fallen into place in ways I cannot explain. I have had conversations I can only describe as God-ordained. I have been offered help, made connections, and started actively moving towards something. Although at this point, I am not sure what. I just knew I had to stop planning and start doing. Even if doing was just talking to someone else.

It has all led up to a week full of opportunities and decisions needing to be made both prayerfully and quickly. And I believe to a line in the sand. To a point where God is saying, “are you all in ?” Are you willing to give up your security, your self-reliance, your dreams, and your path for Mine?

I have to admit. It’s a much harder decision then jumping out of a plane or moving to an island. Those things were detailed, calculated, and came with specifics. This week has left me with a lot of speculation, unanswered questions, and less than specific details. It has left me with a lot of wondering how much I am truly willing to trust God. And a lot of praying that manna from Heaven from fall in the form of money to pay bills. Ok.. just kidding. But you all may see support letters in your mailboxes in the very near future 😉

Stay tuned for details:)

It started with a story from a book. About a community that participated in an experiment. For everything they had two of, they gave one away. Like it says in Luke 3:11,  “If you have two coats, give one away,” he said. “Do the same with your food.” As I began looking around, I realized I have way more than two coats. I have like 7.

Add on the fact I am moving yet again and despite having just moved a year ago, have accumulated quite a good bit of stuff. Granted I have spent very little on all that stuff-in fact, one of my favorite claims is I have an entire living room (TV, DVD player, entertainment center, two couches, a table, and a bookcase) I have spent zero dollars on. But as I began the process of packing up all my stuff yet again, I decided to put the Have 2 Give 1 experiment into practice and in cases where I could, get rid of, donate, sell, and simplify my life.

So I got rid of two huge boxes of clothes (and probably have some more to get rid of). I sold my washer and dryer, got rid of my TV and entertainment center, and a bunch of other stuff. I have made several trips to Goodwill and have decided to put myself on a strict spending budget.

It all sounded like a good idea. My apartment was emptying out and I was feeling more and more at ease every day. There is just something freeing about having less stuff. Until tonight I realized I want nothing more than to sit down and watch the Olympics. Every two years I brim with excitement over the games and would watch every minute if time allowed (according to NBC that would take 5 months). Not to mention the free Redbox code I have in my inbox and the list a mile long of movies I would like to watch. And then I realized I have two sets of very sweaty running clothes and no place to wash them.

Perhaps my gusto over simplifying went a little too far… or did it?

As I was sad for a moment about not being able to watch the Olympics, I realized perhaps the greatest gift in getting rid of everything is the beauty of embracing community. Now if I want to watch a movie, I have to find a friend with a TV. If I want to do my laundry in the next week and a half I may have to cart it somewhere. And I may end up having to wear the same outfit in a month (which is hardly something to complain about!).  Oh and I am not done.  I plan on continuing to get rid of and simplify as I move and as I dig deeper into what living life in community and living life in Christ really looks like. And I realize that looks different for different people. Is it wrong to have a lot of stuff? Well, not necessarily. But if you have a lot of stuff to simply say you have a lot of stuff what is the point? Are we not to be generous and giving? Do we really need to spend our money on the latest fashion, Apple device, or big screen TV? If I already have three coats, do I really need a fourth? How much more effective could the church be if we shared our possessions and used our excess to give and tithe and plant churches rather than increase the amount of toys and things we own? How much more rich would our lives be if we included others in our daily lives? If we opened our homes, our lives, and our possessions to those around us?

So I am inviting you to join me in an experiment. Your own experiment. 

Maybe your experiment does look like getting rid of more-have2give1, or maybe your experiment looks like using what you have to invite others in. Maybe you are the person with a TV or a washer and dryer.  For me, my experiment is to give 1 where I have 2, to de-clutter and to live life simply. Maybe for you, the experiment is to invite 2.

Regardless of what it looks like, I believe embracing and living in community has the potential to be the biggest game changer out there. Because deep down, I think most of us just want to be understood and included. We want someone to pay attention to us. Someone to take an interest in our story.  Last time I checked, big TVs and fancy cars weren’t changing the world. What is going to change the world are groups of people living life together and deciding together to live that life differently. To have 2 and give 1. Or to invite the outcast in. To love instead of hate. To stand with instead of against. To embrace the meaning of life in the people around us instead of in the amount of stuff we own.

To experiment and to live life together. 

..begins with a single step. Lao-tzu

This has always been one of my favorite quotes. Perhaps because I so often struggle with the whole “taking-a-single-step” thing. I want to take 50 or 100 and climb mountains in a single leap and tackle the impossible in 5 minutes instead of taking one step. 

I have had to remind myself a lot lately to take that one step. Once the whirlwind of two summer classes ended, my idle mind gave me lots of ammunition for emotional breakdowns and depressed moments. Whether it was over relationships, work, or life, it seems lately there have been more bad days and more phone calls that ended in tears. It is simply because instead of taking one step forward, I focused on the fact that I am not 50 steps forward, not over the mountain, and not seemingly overcoming the impossible.

In January, I made  a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year. Seeing as it is now July, I started thinking about that list the other day. I realized that a) I was a bit over zealous in my list-making and b) instead of breaking the list down into single steps, I gave up on it early on when it seemed overwhelming.

Mostly I gave up because one of the top things on my list was run a marathon. Which was going well until oh mid-January when in the middle of a run, I was in so much pain, I limped back to the gym and subsequently was unable to run for the next five months or so. I would rest, ice, stretch, and attempt a run only to make it about 1/2 mile and be in excruciating pain. I was discouraged and depressed as I slowly saw my hopes of completing a marathon slipping out of my reach.

Then life got crazy and I just put running on the back  burner. Apparently, forgetting about it might have done the trick. That and a really good chiropractor.  Life slowed down and unwilling to give up all hopes, I signed up for training to run the local half marathon in October and am two runs in with zero pain. So I pushed the 26.2 off until next year and for now I will be content to truck along to my goal of 13.1. I had to give up my 26.2 in exchange for a single step. I am starting from the beginning. And I am slow. But each step along the way is one step closer.

As I continued to reflect on my goals for this year, I realized that I am well on my way to accomplishing some of them. I have completed four classes of my master’s degree and still have my 4.0.  I booked a flight to spend almost a week with my best friend Anna and our dear friends from Saipan. We will end up seeing Baltimore, Philly, and Amish country all in 5 days. Just like old times! I successfully passed all my exams for work and even helped a co-worker pass his! The rest of my list may end up un-done for lack of time or finances or both. However, as the year has progressed I have found new goals.

Such as…

-Running a side business as an independent sales rep for Better Way Imports. I love the cause, the product, and sharing it with other people!

-Serving on an auction/fundraising committee for a local non-profit that has provided me a way to give back, connect, and serve with like-minded individuals

-Move back into my own place, declutter, give away the excess, and focus on tackling that goal of cooking

-Fall madly in love with a Savior who loves the broken, the enslaved, the orphan, and the poverty-stricken even when the rest of the world would rather close their eyes and shut their ears

-Learn ever so slowly and at times painfully how to take one small step of faith today

I also plan to attempt to write more. I have quite a few half-written posts that I want to finish and now that I am back to running, I imagine I will have more coming. I seem to always come up with something new while on a run.

To sum it up, this year has so far reminded me once again that often the value comes from the journey.  That the moments that can teach you the most often come when we take the time to step back and listen. From the people around you and the company you keep. I have learned that sometimes it is more impactful to sweep a floor or listen to a co-worker.  And that each day can be a new beginning. That to take 50 steps, you have to start with 1. To climb a mountain, you have to start at the bottom. And to tackle the impossible, you have to be prepared.

So here’s to taking one step. Today. And another tomorrow. And eventually I will be at the top of the mountain and then soon enough, I will find another one to climb.