so..this was perhaps the hardest week of my college career thus far. On top of exams, which were no walk in the park-I was faced hard on with the reality of cause and effect. You know..every choice has a consequence..whether good or bad. And it brought me to a place of complete brokenness before God..I was literally stuck on my knees. I realized that I had once again tried to take things into my own hands and try my own way to accomplish my goals and dreams and had fallen drastically short. In fact, I think I might have done exactly the opposite of what I wanted to do. And when I was questioning why I was even here, I realized something. Had I not gotten to that point, I don’t know where I would be. I think I would have ended up very very far from where God wants me. I think I would have given up long ago. But God knew I would be here. He knew this would come at what I thought was the worst possible time. He knew what it would take to break me. And break me He did. I realized once and for all that I really can’t do this on my own. And I can’t rely on other people to help me along. I have to make the decision and stick to it. I have to draw on strength from God and rely on His wisdom. And while I wish it wouldn’t have taken me so long to realize this, I can truely say I am going to make some drastic changes for the better and get this whole trusting God thing under control..

I am putting off my homework..I really need to go do that..but I haven’t written in awhile and I thought I would update this..College has really got me thinking about some stuff..mainly how I treat other people..That saying, “Actions speak louder then words” is so true. I have learned that the best testimony I can have is to love others. Yeah, I may not agree witht their decisions or lifestyle choices, but that doesn’t mean I am allowed to disreguard them. I am under charge from God to love those around me.. even those that are harder to love. And I will say, I miss my friends terribly from back home, but my mission field is where I am and I am ready to go back. I miss my roommates, my friends, my sorority, and my life I have created down there. I miss being right down the hall from my buds..and being able to go over anytime day or night. I realize that even in my loneliness, I have created relationships and built friendships and found a place I can really put into practice all that I have learned. Jesus says in the Bible, “The fields are white for the harvest” and I have seen how very true this is! No, it’s not easy, but it is so rewarding and I truly believe that going away from home was the best thing I could have ever done. I have met some amazing people and learned a lot about how to live with others, how to deal with conflicts, how to sleep with the lights on, and a ton of other things that I could list forever. And I can hardly believe it’s Thanksgiving and soon my first semester of college will be over..crazy! (and a disclaimer..I am still single:) so for all my Faith friends…told you I could do it!..not that I am complaining, because I am happy with life!) hee hee…

That’s about all..I am going to go get some homework done! Talk to you all later!
Amanda

Do you ever wish you were in another time or another place? Do you ever wonder we never seem content where we are? Well, maybe you are a lot different then me, but it seems like I am always looking forward to the next thing instead of enjoying the moment. First, I was excited about college, now I want to be working and married, who knows what will be next. 🙂 ok..so maybe it’s not quite that bad. I must admit I love college! I love meeting new people, I love staying up till 3 in the morning and no one caring, I love studying my brains out for a class that most people fail, (well, ok I don’t love that:) ) and I love being on my own. But sometimes, I still struggle with being content. I wonder why God wanted me to come four hours from home all alone. I wonder why the one person I would love to spend every day with is a plane ride away. I wonder why I seem to have no problem finding someone who would drink me, but when I try to find someone to study the Bible with I am instantly alone. And then I realize something. I am blessed beyond reason, I have been given everything I need, I am exactly where God wants me-and whether it is hard or easy, it is best! I am exactly in the middle of God’s plan for my life and that is the best and only place to be. I would be miserable anywhere else. So for the time being, I am going to work on being content here and now and let God deal with the rest of my life. Who knows what will happen, but I can’t wait for the adventure!

My hardest class this semester has by far been Biology 121: Anatomy and Physiology. A pre-req. for nursing, I had to take it and I have to get a good grade. But while I have spent many hours and will spend many more hours pouring away over notes and labs, one thing has stuck out to me over and over. In all things is God. Or in more proper English-God is in everything and is everything. The Bible says even creation will tell of His glory. And as I sit in class and listen to my professor talk about all the small, tiny details of our anatomy I can’t help but wonder how someone can deny the existence of God. To think that we evolved from nothing or even from a single cell seems impossible..and I mean, I guess I kinda admire their faith, but honestly…how often have you seen something come from nothing? Every single aspect was created for a specific purpose, and if anything is astray then you aren’t normal..how crazy is that? if one gene, one nerve impulse, one tiny thing is wrong then you get a negative result..and when everything works perfectly, we can see, smell, remember, and communicate and do a million of other things that would take me a year to document on here…personally, that is an amazing and hard-to-grasp thought. And it makes me so thankful for my faith and my God and that I have the ability to type out my thoughts, to study for a huge test, to remember what goes where…none of that would be possible without a creator. Just try it…try to find something that is that did not have a creator. I bet you can’t…and if you think you can, then can you logically explain where it came from..did it just randomly appear? well, next time I find a magnificent painting that just randomly appeared I’ll let you know..:) but anyways..in everything is God..

just a thought..
amanda

Are you paying attention? Because like it or not, the rest of the world is watching us. Every decision we make not only gives the world an opinion of us, but of our friends, our church, and most importantly-our Savior. Do you realize that? Are you thinking about that? I must be honest when I say I am frustrated with some of my Christian friends..I love them all dearly, and they are closer to me then anyone-but I wish they realized how they are representing their Savior. I would honestly be ashamed to bring some of my friends from college home because they would instantly have a view of God that is far from what we should be showing them. They would wonder why I think being in a Christian is so great when in all reality they don’t see any difference. I know this doesn’t apply to a lot of my friends andI know none of us are perfect and I am not exempt from this in any way..I have done my share of things that have misrepresented Christ-but I have realized lately that I can have the biggest impact on others through what I do or don’t do. And it comes in the little things to–something like saying something you shouldn’t or making a mean remark or talking about a professor or not going to class:). Is it easy? Heck no..I will be the first to admit being a college freshman four hours from home at a secular university is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. The temptions are always there and the devil likes to entice me with the thought that no one will ever find out and honestly, most people probably wouldn’t. But does that give me any right? Does that mean that I should do it? The Bible says that the pleasure of sin only lasts for a season and someday we will all have to face consequences–and at that point, it will be too late to go back. I don’t ever want to have to look my future husband in the eye and admit I’m not a virgin or have to explain my drunk phone call to my parents or realize that my actions caused someone else to view Christ in a negative light..and I don’t want that for you..I don’t want you to have to experience that..God is full of forgiveness and mercy and He is waiting for you..

So to all my friends–I love you more then words can express and because of that I am concerned about your sprirtual walk–I am concerned with how authority is viewing you and how Christ is seeing you. I will always pray for you and love you..I will always be here..

That’s what the Bible claims-it has everything in there for life and Godliness. And amazing thing is-it’s true! I was having an awful week and was about one day away from packing up and coming home when one of my friends challenged me to read my Bible everyday before getting on the computer and I took him up on the challenge. So today, I got back from class-discouraged, in tears, and ready to quit. I instantly jumped on the computer to start my math homework when I remembered our deal so I got out my Bible and the study I have been doing and worked on it. Funny how God works sometimes..the passage I read today was I Peter 1:13-2:10 and it couldn’t have been better. It was written to believers facing extreme persecution. There was so much in it that encouraged me..it was like God knew what I was going through and He knew that no one would understand, but Him.

More on that later..

Ever since I can remember, I believed in God. But until recently, I think part of me believed in God because that was what I was taught and what was expected. Then I packed up my life and moved four hours from home to attend a state college in a town where I knew exactly 4 people. I can honestly say, nothing could have prepared me for this. I have learned a lot over the past few years, but everyday having my faith tried and my belief in a God questioned is not something I was prepared to deal with. Add being homesick to that and what I was left with was one thing–God. Last night was one of those nights that was really bad. Most people go home on the weekend which leaves me with not much to do. And I was really missing home so I did something ashamedly I haven’t done in awhile…I got out my Bible and started reading. And I came across this verse, Psalm 84:10 which says, “Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere, I would rather stand at the threshold of the house of my God Than dwell i the tents of the wicked.” As soon as I read it, I realized that being here was better then being anywhere else because this is where God wants me. Although I think the bigger thing that stuck out me was the fact that Psalmist really believed that it was better to be with God than anywhere else. And I was lacking in that thought. So I spent some time talking to God and all of a sudden realized all my tears were just me feeling sorry for myself. I made the decision to come, I knew it was where God wanted me, and while it’s def. one of the hardest things I have done, I know God has a plan and ultimately it will prove far more rewarding then anything I could have dreamed up.

Just a thought..
Amanda

That is one word that hasn’t been in my vocabulary since August. It seems I am never comfortable–it’s too cold, too hot, too rainy, too sunny–and those are just the superficial things. In all reality, I am not comfortable in my surroundings which is a very good thing. For a long time, I was comfortable–I went to school with my friends, went to church with my friends, hung out on the weekends with my friends and my life went on smoothly. Then August 29th I picked up and started school four hours from home knowing almost no one with no idea what to expect and how things were going to be. Needless to say, I am still not adjusted, and still not comfortable–and Lord-willing, I never will be. I hope I am always looking for ways to be stretched and grow. I have had to learn to love the unlovely, to take the log out of my eye before examining the speck in my brother’s, to share a room and a life, to manage my time(which I am still working on..obviously:) ) and most importantly to live a life that speaks louder then my words and exlemplfy Christ daily. I am constantly having to step back and evaluate whether this will put Christ in the best light or not. And it’s not always easy–it’s rather lonely hanging out in your dorm room on Friday night with one other person while every other person on your floor is out partying. And it’s hard to say no to that really hot guy who wants you to come over. But God is the ultimate granter of strength and has provided me amazing opportunity. Little windows and doors are opened daily and people do ask questions. Is is easy? no.. Do I miss home and my friends? yes.. but do I regret getting away and putting myself in this situation? NO! I know God has me here for a reason and I am daily getting to see that manifested in my life and the life of those around me. And God is using this to mold me into who He wants me to be. He is letting me make mistakes and get back up. Say the wrong words, and then have the opportunity to say the right ones. Learn things I never wanted to know and praise God for giving me strength to say no. So, while I am not comfortable, I am exactly where I want to be. And even though I do miss home.. for now, I don’t want to be anywhere else..