So I have done a lot of scary things since moving to Saipan. I mean, aside from moving half-way around the world with zero friends. I jumped off a cliff, have snorkeled and swam more than I ever thought I could, taught students with names I couldn’t pronounce, crashed my bike, ran till my legs hurt, and the list goes on. I have conquered so many fears and had so much fun. I have done all kinds of things out of the ordinary that I have become afraid of the ordinary.

I think sometimes the hardest thing about going away is not actually the leaving, but the fact that it generally seems as if everyone else is going on with life and has forgotten all about you. Perhaps a lot of the loneliness that comes with being gone is not really loneliness, but actually a longing for someone back home to remember. It’s like the soul is saying, “Please don’t forget me!” Yes, I moved to the other side of the world, but with technology keeping in touch is easier than ever! And it doesn’t cost any more to send letters and e-mails are free! So as you get ready to send out Christmas cards or if you get some spare time, don’t forget to add me to your list! I think of all of you often and I miss you so very much. It’s hard to realize that life must go one with or without you..but that fact is multiplying when you feel that no one notices your absence.

I have gotten bit by the running bug! I am seriously addicted. It just feels amazing and is a good way to just get away for a bit. I love the way I feel and I mean, running by the ocean is not something I have the chance to do back home.

In my life, failure has never been an option. I would quit before I would admit failure–which has led to a lot of broken relationships, half-tried sports and activities, and a life full of a lot of things which I have nothing to show for. I could list for hours the lessons I have taken, sports I have attempted, commitments I have made, and things I have walked away from because I wasn’t the best or I knew I would fail. And honestly, I wish I would have tried harder at things. I wish I would have stuck with something and practiced it-even if I wasn’t ever the star. I wish I hadn’t bailed out of so many friendships and relationships when things got tough. And I am thankful that I serve a God who has never bailed out on me and who will never fail me. That is an awesome thought! I have failed Him so many times. I have let Him down countless times. But He has forgiven me and loves me unconditionally. He still sees me as His child and the apple of His eye–How amazing is that! I think it strikes me more and more as I realize that humans are so far from that. We don’t forgive and forget very easily. We hold grudges and don’t fix things cuz it’s too hard. I am guilty of this far too often–in fact this week I can see several times where this has come up. Thankfully-God has placed people in my life who won’t give up on me and won’t let me bail out. It has been the biggest wake up call. When you want to throw in the towel and call it quits, it’s amazing how hard it is when you have people who make you pick it up back and fix things. And from failure comes great learning and great growth! And while failure never feels good..I have seen my limitations tested, my endurance tried, and my faith grow stronger as a result. And God promises no matter what He will never leave nor forsake me. So today–wherever you are..take a minute to stop and think about the unfailing God we serve–and if your tempted to throw in the towel and say “what’s the use” remember to “consider it all joy” and “Press on toward the goal”

Just a thought..
Amanda