-
God is too good
I came home this weekend for the first time since school started and boy did I need to do that. It had just come to a point where I needed a break from college life. So I came home and realized once again how truly amazing the God is that I serve and how often I fall short of showing that in my own life. I spent the weekend with my family, relaxing and doing some odd and end things..not as much homework as I needed to but oh well.
This morning I got to go to my church which is my favorite part of coming home. I miss my church a lot..the one I go to at college is great, but just not the same as my home church. The sermon this morning was on Jonah and on living by principles, not feelings. WOW! Talk about God giving me a not so gentle nudge. It was exactly what I needed to hear, maybe not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed. I realized how much I have been living based on how I feel, not on what I believe or the principles governing my life. And life has been going somewhat crazy..imagine that. So I got my wake-up call. Going back isn’t going to be easy…in fact, it is going to take every ounce of my will-power to get in the car and drive back to school. It would be so much easier to stay here, but since when did God call us to do that which was easy.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! ALL THINGS–what an amazing verse. I can learn to live by my principles, not my feelings. I can learn to live with people that well, aren’t easy to live with. I can learn to trust in God for my future instead of freaking out every other week. But only when I rely on God and turn to Him can I do all of that. So starting today I am going back to the beginning. Going back to the cross-forget all the stuff I “know” from years at a Christian school..I am going back to what first griped my soul. To the ideas, however simple, that compel me to a deeper love and desire to follow Christ. That’s what I need..I need some fuel to keep my fire burning.
So all things considered, it was an amazing weekend and a good re-focusing time..Now I just have to go back..
Amanda
You May Also Like
Being Brave Everyday
-
I’m back..
Life is so incredibly crazy it’s unbelieveable! First of all, I was the smart one who decided I could handle 19 credit hours!! Don’t ever do that..I don’t care who you are..it’s hard!! So I spend almost every free moment studying..which is what I am supposed to be doing now:) On top of that this week is recruitment! which I am so excited about!! I can’t wait to get new sisters!! but it’s a huge..HUGE..commitment of time and energy! so every waking moment starting Thursday that I am not in class I will be at recruitment..until Monday night!! Don’t except to see much of me again for awhile:)
On a different note, this year has been a lot tougher so far. I miss my family something awful..It’s hard being so far away. And I made a lot of changes in my spriritual walk this summer and Satan seems to be out to get me any way he can. Thankfully God has been good..and I have been able to make time for Him every day. My pastor this Sunday challenged us to spend the next fourty days listening to the Bible. So I have a cd of Matthew and have been listening to it. It is so amazing how much you can be impacted by listening. I can hear it replaying over and over in my head. I have also been reading a book called, “If you want to walk on water, you have to get out the boat.” or something like that..but it’s very convicting. I sit around all day and think about how much I want to make an impact with my life and change the people around me, but I think I am still sitting in my boat. I need to take that step of faith and keep my eyes on Christ. He is my strong tower and rock in the midst of life. I also found a church I love and a group of people who encourage me and keep me accountable!!
God is also constantly reminding me that He is enough..that I don’t need a boyfriend, or a bunch of friends, or a million things to fill up my time..He is enough. That is a daily lesson I am still learning.
sorry that was so scatterbrained..that’s kinda how my life is right now!! Hope things are going well for my few blog readers..I appreciate your kind words and encouragement!
Amanda
-
venting..
I just felt the need to write in my blog. It has been one of those weeks that can only be explained and made better through a blog post. I am back at school and it is going well. Things are better then expected with roommates and life is slowly getting busier, but still manageable. I have been working all week which has been crazy fun but crazy tiring. The one thing I really want right now is my pillow and my bed..but alas, I am stuck in a computer lab until 6 tonight. I played volleyball last night and hurt my wrist..typing is a challenge..but lucky for me, I have enough frustration to type through the pain.
so there is this boy..right..it’s always about a boy:) but I really like this one…like a lot..and I don’t know. I should hate him. he blew me off for three months, and just when I start to get an inch closer shoves me away again. So why can’t I just move on. that’s what logic says. But I’m a fixer..I love to fix things. I don’t like to leave things un-done or leave people without making their lives better..which I am coming to see isn’t usually even a reality..but I try nonetheless. However, it is impossible when they won’t let you help them or be part of their life. so that is where I am right now..wanting so bad to be part of his life and realizing that I should probably just move on….
but it’s hard…and I’m tired..and in pain…and missing my family something terribly awful..
-
I’m back..
ok..so I decided I should update the few readers I have left..
Life has gotten somewhat better since the last time I wrote. God is amazing that is one thing I will say for sure! He always shows up right when I am at my lowest..which has happened a lot this summer. Trying to change your life doesn’t come without trouble from the devil. Of course, he had me right where he wanted me..and I decided that was far from where God wanted me.
God has been faithful in providing the finances I needed for college which is a huge answer to prayers and my plans for next summer which I was majorly stressed out about are falling into place and giving me a bigger reason to trust God for provided everything I need.
I am also getting so excited to go back to school…I was in Florida last week and I got to see two of my friends and got so excited..I realized that God has blessed me with some amazing friends, I just have to take the extra time to build the relationships.
one thing I have noticed is that I get stressed and overwhelmed very quickly..I do’nt know why, but it seems like I very quickly jump to the, “runinng around like a chicken with it’s head cut off” stage so that is the biggest thing I am going to work on for the fall..just breathing and making time for the things that are imporant.
that’s all for now..
amanda
-
I’m frustrated! and the best thing I could come up with was to revisit my poor blog I abandoned so long ago.
so I’m frustrated with my life. I have no idea where it is going and I can’t seem to enjoy the ride. I seem to be always looking for the next stage and not having any idea what it is, I just get more frustrated. I am saddened over some of the decisions I made last year and while I am trying to bask in Christ’s forgiveness..it’s hard to let go of it and accept that I can move on. I am tired of people not being honest for fear of, well, I don’t know. I’m just tired of it. I feel like I am always stepping on people’s toes and hurting people’s feelings..but they never tell me what they really think so how am I supposed to know. I can’t be careful with your heart if I don’t know that it is a part of the equation. I don’t know what I want to do when I grow up..wait, yes I do..but it doesn’t seem practical or like something people actually do..it’s more like one of those jobs everyone thinks would be fun, but know deep down that they can’t actually do it. I switched majors and ended up lost. and without friends. which is dumb. I do have friends..lots of them. but they at home..not at school. my school friends..well, who knows what happened to them. I think they decided to move on and find cooler people with more exciting lives and more willingness to be daring. and I hurt one of my friends..but haven’t gotten up the courage to call her and apologize. (i need to do that). I’m scared that when I go back to school all these changes I want to make are going to go right out the window. I enjoy nothing more then the two boys I work with every afternoon..they know how to bring a smile to my face more then anything else. and I am leaving them soon.. all I do is work and shower and sleep..and quite frankly i am ok with that. I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone..I stopped using my cell phone, I stopped getting on instant messenger. I am generally sick of people. and I finally realized I have an intense longing for a companion–a friend, a boyfriend, someone I can confide in and cry to. and i know in my head that I have God..but finding that passion in my heart is hard. really hard. esp. when I am lonely. so now that I have officially depressed myself even more I am going to go cry in my shower and listen to some country music and determine my life is nothing like that..
amanda
-
R-E-J-E-C-T-I-O-N
1.The act of rejecting or the state of being rejected.
2.Something rejected
That might be my sole biggest fear–that one word. REJECTION. Not that anyone particularly likes it, in fact, you might need to get your head checked if you enjoy it, but it is a fear that I have seen more evident in my life the past year then ever before. I am always on the defense-always protecting me..hiding inside my shell and pushing everyone else away. And even the things I have done have often been done in the name of saving myself from rejection. Why I am so scared of it, I can’t tell you. Perhaps it’s the loneliness that tends to come with it that I don’t like, or the fact that another human being has the power to tell you that you aren’t good enough for them. and I have done my fair share of rejecting others..there are many people I am sure could testify..but most of the time, it wasn’t them I was rejecting, I was scared of them rejecting me so I did it first. I hardened my heart so they couldn’t break it. But last night..as I was sitting on my bed in tears over something my dad had said..I realized how much I was letting this fear of rejection rule my life. I was losing sleep over a fear that was founded on a lie. My dad isn’t going to reject me. But more then that, My heavenly Father will never reject me..that is all I need.“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deut 31:6
There it is..My God will never leave me. Not now, not ever! Even when it seems like everyone else has..or when it seems like I have rejected everyone else..there is always a place for me to go–right back into the arms of my heavenly Father. So, will I be instantly free tomorrow..probably not, but I am definately going to fight this and put myself out there. There is a God who wants me to humble myself before Him
“6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, 7 casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you. ” I Pet 5:6-7
He knows the very number of hairs on my head, and knows every step of my path..being rejected will only cause me to draw future upon God’s strength and grace..therefore,
“And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. ” 2 cor 12:9
I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, for when I am weak, You are Strong.You May Also Like
Being Brave Everyday
-
it’s been a weird weekend..:/
Got a picture of you I carry in my heart
Close my eyes to see it when the world gets dark
Got a memory of you I carry in my soul
I wrap it close around me when the nights get cold
If you asked me how I’m doin’ I’d say just fine But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it’s true
Somehow you remain locked so deep insideBaby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by
I still wait for the phone in the middle of the night
Thinkin’ you might call me if your dreams don’t turn out right
And it still amazes me that I lie here in the dark
Wishin’ you were next to me, with your head against my heart
If you asked me how I’m doing I’d say just fine But the truth is baby, if you could read my mind
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it’s true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside
Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes by
Minutes turn to hours, and the hours to days
Seems it’s been forever that I’ve felt this way
Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you
After all this time you’re still with me it’s true
Somehow you remain locked so deep inside Baby, baby, oh baby, not a day goes byYou May Also Like
Being Brave Everyday
-
Confused..
so I decided life is unfair…
Why in the world do people think that a 19 year old has enough wisdom to decide what they would be happy doing for the rest of their life? like seriously..I mean, I know you have those people with passions..things they have always wanted to do and they go to college and do it..and are happy. I have never been one of those people. I have never in my life been satisfied with something. Why I thought things would change when I came to college I don’t know. but here I am, a year into college with absolutely no idea what I want to do with my life. I mean, I know..I have so many dreams, passions, and desires..but how to put them all into a major and a decision seems impossible. and how to decide between the practical and the dream. do you go for what you know is safe or do you chase after a dream that might never happen? and do you do what your parents want or what you want–even though they have lots more knowledge then you do. And do you find a reason for doing it..or do you just do it and grit your teeth and hope things turn out ok on the other side? and what about what everyone says..do you listen to their advice or their experiences? it’s so confusing..I wish God would just whisper in my ears what I was supposed to do with my life. that would def. simplify things. He could throw in who I am gonna marry too:) but anyways..I’m just frustrated and overwhelmed and ready to be home..I miss my family..and I’m tired of living out of a suitcase.
..amanda
You May Also Like
Being Brave Everyday
-
wow..it’s been awhile..
so everyone has probably stopped reading this by now..heck, I would have long ago. but I know it’s been so long since I have written. It’s funny how you go through stages in your life..I used to keep a journal every day and the I switched to writing in my blog and then I found a friend with whom I shared everything..and now I am back to blogging. At least for today. I missed it..this old blog and me have had many memories together.
so I finished my first year of college..can you believe it?! I did it! I am no longer a college freshman. it’s crazy to think about that I am going to be a sophomore in college..I am going to turn 20 in December..20!! that is insane. I remember yesterday being in 7th grade and thinking it was going to be an eternity till I got my liscense. it was a good first year of college. Not a great one..but not awful for the most part. it was HARD> really hard. something I was definately not prepared for. But God is faithful. He showed me how His strength is the only thing that will get me through life. He proved to me time and time again that He is protecting me even when I am being stupid. And He showed me how the people in my life are there so I can minister to and learn from..not judge or turn away. I have so many memories from this year..and I have to say God blessed me with the most amazing roommates in the world!! They have become some of my closest friends and I am thinking might end up as bridesmaids someday..:) although that opens a whole different can of worms..one I will leave for a different time..for now, just know I am no where close to wanting to get married nor are there any guys on the horizon. I know the right guy is out there somewhere..one crazy enough for me..and God will bring him into my life at exactly the right time.
what else..I joined a sorority this year..that was a blast! I love my new sisters with everything in me..they are my mission field. God gave me a field white for the harvest and is giving me the strength and wisdom to know how to harvest it and how to share His love with them. It has been amazing.
I still have no idea what to do with my life..I was so sure before I came to college..now I am utterly lost. I know I want to go to Africa and I want to adopt a baby girl from China and I want to help people who can’t help themselves..but how to accomplish all that is still out of my reach. I am praying for God to open doors and lead me in the right direction as far as majors, summer plans, future plans etc. I know He has a plan for my life and I can’t wait to see what it is.
well, I have turned into an old lady this summer and am about to head to bed..yes, it is 9:43 and I am getting ready to head to bed. I know, it’s sad..but what can I say..all my nights of staying up till 3 and 4 in the morning are catching up to me!:)
thanks for listening to my ramblings..I will try and update this more often! if anyone still reads this..I love ya!
-
Survivor!
So this is pretty much my favorite show in the world! but I just wanted to say that Jeff was wearing a bright purple shirt which was something that I don’t know has ever happened! 🙂 Just a random fact..