So classes started last week..and on Monday I had a minor freak out over what I was doing with my life. After being reassured by several people that I was not crazy nor was this the last time I would question why I was doing what I was doing, I came up with a plan for school. Mind you this plans includes taking an extra semester to graduate, it will set me up to be in the best position to do what I want to do. Go to graduate school and work towards a phD in Economics. While I was settled on school, I still had this nagging feeling that I had just made a terrible mistake and ruined God’s plan for my life by following what I wanted. I have prayed a lot about this plan and sought God’s direction, but for awhile felt that maybe this was just my dream. However, I am good at Economics and I love school. I understand the subject and don’t want to stop learning about it. I also love college students and really want to become a professor. This is not preparing me for an easy life as academia can be a dark place where Christians are not often welcomed because Christianity is not seen as intelligent. It is not seen as the thinking man’s religion. It is a career that will cause to be in the world and to have to put on my armor daily. But God has not called me to an easy life. He has placed a restlessness in my soul to seek the extraordinary and to fight for the impossible.

So on to my moment of clarity. We have been going through a series at church called The Truth Project. It is put on by Focus on the Family and I would definately reccommend it. Last night the topic was Economics and was the night I had been looking foward to since we started. ( I realize this makes me a nerd..) The speaker was explaining how work was designed by God and was created in the image of God. God worked and thus we must work. Genesis 2:2. He also pointed out that we should work where we are gifted. After much more eloquent words, it clicked. I was not crazy nor unbiblical for wanting to seek higher education in Economics. God has gifted me in this area and I feel called me to be a light in the dark world of universities. I Cor. 10:31 says, “whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” Whatever you do. Not if you go into full-time ministry. Not if you become a missionary. But in whatever you do, glorify God. So once again I was at a crossroad of whether I am going to follow what I believe or follow what other people think I should believe. I have a passion for the subject and for the people I will be working with. I believe those things are God-given desires. I believe that pursuing this path is what I should be doing and I will continue to pursue it until God closes a door or opens a window. Maybe I am a little crazy-but God can work with crazy too 🙂

So I added this cool thing I found in my church bulletin. It’s called RefTagger. When you type a reference it allows the reader to scroll over and read the verse without going to a separate site.

Like John 10:10.

Let’s see if it works.

Amanda

So lately I have been really convicted on the whole idea of fasting and praying. I think it is a lost art in our culture today. And I also don’t believe that fasting has to be limited to food. Due to some health issues, fasting food is not healthy for my body and I always used that as an excuse to just not fast. But God has really convicted me that it is the heart and idea behind fasting that He wants. He wants a heart that is willing to give something up that is important to really focus in on Him. So for me that thing that is a struggle or takes time is shopping. I really enjoy it and working in retail has increased the time I spend at the mall so spending money on things I don’t need has become very easy. Especially since everything is ALWAYS on sale! 🙂 So I am going to fast spending money on anything but food and bills (to keep my landlord happy) for the next 30 days.

Why? Well..

God has really impressed on my heart that He is in the business of doing big things, but wants us to earnestly seek Him for those things. The purpose for the fast is to spend the next 30 days in serious pray about my missions trip and the support I am raising for that. I would like to be at $3,000 by March 1. That would put me in a very good position to have all my money raised on time. It is a lofy goal and I am tempted to put God in a box and say with the state of the economy that is impossible. But I am going to bathe that desire in prayer and fasting for the next 30 days and see what God will do with a heart that is tender to His moving. So here goes-I will keep you posted on how God works!

God works in truly amazing ways. One of them through blessings. I have been really convicted lately of how I spend my money and God has pressed upon my heart the need to be faithful to tithe and to support fellow Christians as well as love those who do not know Christ through my giving. And while giving does not mean simply giving of our money, it is a part of it. And a part that I have felt convicted to work on. The Bible tells us in Luke 12:27-28, “Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!” The news about the economy is bleak, but we serve a God who is bigger than all that and I believe will provide if we are being faithful. As I have given outside my means at times I have seen God provide in ways I could not imagine. He provided a car after mine was totaled. and He is daily providing funds for my trip to Africa. I need to raise $5,000 and I am almost 2/5 of the way there! It is humbling and awe-inspiring. The more that is being given to me, the more that I feel compelled to give to others. And the more I am blessed by God.

So give more than you think you can and watch God do more than you ever thought He would!

So I started a Bible study today on the Patriarchs. I have to say I think this one is going to be good. I have only finished one day of study and I am already in love with it. But God has been preparing me for this for awhile. There is within me a “holy discontent.” A frustration with the way things are and the way Christians act. I have been reading some books by some radical thinkers this semester and God is stirring within me a passion for Him and to change the world. Granted, I have always had dreams of changing the world, but slowing I am seeing God define for me where He wants my focus.

But back to the study-today we started studying the first part of Abram’s life. (before he became Abraham) And the story stuck out to me like it never has. God finds Abram in the midst of idoltry and gives him a command. Leave and go. Leave where you are and go to where I have called you. And Abram goes. He picks up his wife and follows God. The author of the study pointed out that perhaps God used Abram because He knew that Abram would go. That he would follow God’s command. I want to be that person. I want God to use me because I am willing to leave and go. The passions God is stirring within me are exciting. I am figuring out how to sort through some of my frustrations and how to make my faith MY faith. Not my parents or my churches, but mine. and my prayer as I sort everything out and seek direction is that I would have a heart that is willing to leave and go. To trust that taking the step of faith and going is all God wants. I don’t need to know all the details or plans, I simply need to be willing.