I have been reading The Sacred Romance and I have to say, this book, more than any I have read in a long time, has really helped me see some things more clearly.  One of the things the author talks a lot about in the book is the “Message of the Arrows.” That is the lies we believe about ourselves..the arrows that have been shot at us and that Satan uses to render us ineffective in service to our King. Satan keeps us trapped in our small stories through the message of the arrows. And he doesn’t have to do much because we believe them and we often think it is our own inner voice whispering these lies to us. I like how the author put it.

We come to believe that the things people say of us are true, the small story we are living is the only story we will ever live. We count on them for meaning and for identity. We struggle to keep them in order and perfect, all the while becoming exhausted and empty. We feel a deep longing for more inside, but we push it back down to the inner places of our hearts because it is dangerous and uncertain to explore this longing. The first step to rediscovering our passion and addressing that longing is to recognize those arrows.  What is the smaller story you have been living out? What lie has Satan trapped you in to believe this is it?

The smaller story that has been playing out in my life: mediocrity. I have come to believe I am average. That I not good enough or smart enough or pretty enough or athletic enough or compelling enough to reach for my dreams. And the thing about the arrows are, they get reinforced. I was always almost on homecoming court. I always almost had the top grade. I never tried out for a play because  I thought I wasn’t good enough. So I filled my life with whatever I could find to seek some sort of separation. One area where I felt above average. Unfortunately, I still carried around the identity of being average. Even if I may have excelled, in my eyes, I never saw it. I just kept buying into this story that my life was just average. But I couldn’t shake this passion. This longing that life wasn’t supposed to be like this. I just never know what it was that I was looking for or missing. I figured this just part of life. But what I have to learn is that my identity does not lie in the message of the arrows. My identity lies in the sacred romance God is inviting me on. Its scary and risky and will be a journey that is anything but average. See, in His eyes, I am anything but average. In His eyes, I am worth pursuing, worth loving, and worth risking His Son’s life for. I don’t want an average life. I never have. But Satan whispers in my ears the lies that say, “You are just average, you have nothing special to offer.” I am unpacking those arrows. Digging them out of their lodging place. It’s surely not easy. They have been there so long its a painful process.  Yet, until you address the message of the arrows head on, they will always have a hold on you. Until you recognize where the message is coming from and that the message is false, you will continue to believe it. I refuse to believe it any longer. I will not allow Satan to keep me trapped in the small story I have been living when God has a grand plan for my life. I have no idea what that will look like, but today it starts with learning to identify who I am in Christ and with living out that identity with gusto, life, love, and enthusiasm.

I have never read the Chronicles of Narnia series, but I know one scene from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe like the back of my hand because it so often comes up in discussions of whether God is good or not. The children are getting ready to meet Aslan and Susan asks if He is safe. Seems like a logical question when one is preparing to meet a lion and the answer “yes” is of course the one you would like to hear. Yet the response given is this, “‘Course He isn’t safe. But He’s good. He’s the King, I tell ya.”

As I have delved deeper into the heart of God, I have learned something. Following God isn’t going to be safe. In fact, perhaps the Christian life should come with a warning. Hardship up ahead. And if we ever doubt that, we just have to take one glance back at Job to know that perhaps today might be the day that everything goes amiss. Pretty depressing take on it. But that isn’t the end. See the thing is, following God may not be safe, but it is secure. We can trust that God’s heart is good. We can trust that He is pursuing us. He loves us. He wants to be intimately acquainted with us. And He wants our lives to bring Him glory no matter what on earth happens.  I have found that the more I pursue God, the more I fall madly in love with Him. The less I question what He is doing and the more I question what I am doing. If God is good, then I can trust His heart. I, then, just need to align my heart with His. I want to weep over what He weeps over. I want to rejoice over what He rejoices over. I want to love those He loves. And I want to continue drinking in His presence, even when I can barely find it in the midst of life.

So, I finally came to the conclusion that God is good. And everything in my life went crazy. I had a real decision to make then. Was I going to continue to trust that God is good? Or was I going to blame Him for the hurt and the pain and the confusion and the lack of direction?  I decided that I was simply going to trust. I wasn’t going to question His heart. In that, I found a peace I have never felt. I found love. I found acceptance. And I found that life falling apart was the necessary step for God to rebuild it the way He wanted. It was the push I needed to truly let my heart become one with His and to respond to His leading. I still have no idea where His leading will take me, but I am confident that He will lead me on each and every step and this journey we take will be one of adventure, love, and of course at times, intense hardship that once again requires a serious look back into the heart of God. Thankfully, He continues to prove that He is good. And I will continue to have faith in His heart.

(Thoughts from The Sacred Romance. An excellent read!)