So..I know I’ve been posting a lot lately, but I haven’t had much else to do. It’ll make up for all the times I’m busy. Plus, I have had a lot on my mind which always increases my number of posts. So anyways..I’m so confused about life. I don’t really know what to think..I have so many questions. The problem is I can’t ask any of them. Well, I can..and I will eventually. But right now, I’m waiting on people to just randomly answer them..however, I think that is a futile pursuit. And honestly, I think it all comes down to patience. I want to know now what’s going on..and I think I need to work on just sitting back and waiting. Although it wouldn’t kill the people in my life to be clear on things. I take things too personal and read way too much into things..I know that..but some people aren’t giving me many other options. so I guess I will just keep waiting..maybe they will answer my questions or maybe the opportuinity will arise for me to ask them my questions..or maybe things will just fall into place..who knows..I just hate not knowing..but perhaps this is a good thing and a lesson I need to learn..

Just a thought..

Amanda

Yes..more then anything, I hate not having anything to do. This has plagued me since I was young. I believe that is why I began talking to myself. (but that is a different story) I will do anything to avoid being bored. But Sunday(today) rolled around and I had nothing to do. I finished all my homework Saturday when I was bored and by 1:00 Sunday had finished everything that needed done for this week. So I have sat around for 6 hours. I made cookies, but I am a bad cookie maker and had a recipie that was wrong so they taste awful. 🙁 I cleaned my room yesterday so that didn’t need done. I didn’t sleep last night, but am not tired and would like to be able to sleep tonight so I decided against taking a nap. Now I am blogging and rambling on about nothing. It is really not solving my problem and if anyone is still reading I give you mucho brownie points..I would make you some for real, but alas I cannot bake or cook to save my life. Three years of home ect. didn’t do me much good. This is one time when I must say, I would have liked to have some homework..I know you are all gasping in amazement that I would actually want homework. But it will happen that I sat around Sunday with nothing to do, and Tuesday or Thursday night when I have a million other things to do I will be swamped with homework..how it works out that way I have no idea..but anyways, I’m done rambling. I am going to finish this blog, put my pj’s on and watch football. I’m not a huge fan of either teams playing..but I think I will root for the Steeler’s..I might be disowned if I don’t:) 😉

Just some random thoughts..

Amanda

Guys. Good grades. Friends. Cheerleading. Being liked.

That’s what I wanted. That’s what I was aiming for. I was consumed by “I” and “me”. I had built up so much bitterness, pride, and anger-I couldn’t do anything without thinking about how this would help me or how this would hurt someone who hurt me. It was an awful way to live. I know I hurt people I didn’t mean to. I know I said and did things I shouldn’t have. And I know more then anything, that it saddened God. Then last night, I was talking with a friend and I realized how much I needed to get my life in order. This morning I woke up and read my bible for the first time in awhile. I opened to Hebrews chapter 11. It is probably my favorite chapter of the bible. As I read through all the accounts of men and women who had great faith I realized I was lacking majorly. I didn’t even have enough faith to trust God with my college decisions, my relationships, my time-I wanted full control because I figured I knew it all. I could do it on my own. But God quickly showed me I can’t do it. I will simply fail miserably every time I try to take a step without God. So I gave it all up. I decided I was giving everything over to God. I don’t want control of it anymore. I can’t do it on my own, and it’s time I stop trying. It was like a huge burden was lifted. I haven’t been this at peace in a long time. So God’s gonna have to make it real clear the steps He wants me to take cuz I’m not taking another one on my own. I want to have faith that moves mountains. I want to have faith that says, “God is good” even in the midst of trials. And I challenge you-let God have 100% control of your life. It’ll be the best decision you ever make.

Just a thought..

Amanda

Spirit week 2005..The seniors lost..almost an unheard of thing in our school..but anyways..just wanted to say congrats to the Juniors and to my seniors..I love you guys so much!!! Even though we didn’t win, I wouldn’t trade you guys for the world!! Graduation is almost here!:)

Just a thought..

Amanda

Have you ever looked back and wondered why in the world you ever did that? I have been doing that a lot lately..perhaps it’s because it’s nearing the end of my senior year or perhaps because I learned a little about the importance of things..but I have realized my dream to live highschool with no regrets turned out to be anything but that. Now, granted..I made a lot of right choices and have some memories I will keep forever. But I also have pain and hurt that will probably never go away. There are certain feelings that no matter how far removed you become, never go away. I wish I had listened to those people who tried to tell me this would happen. But I thought I knew it all..I thought if I made the right decisions, it would work. Ha..now I’m left with a great deal of problems I could have avoided. But God is the ultimate healer and forgiver. When He looks at me, He sees a clean slate. He sees me pure and clean. How amazing is that! yeah..my friends remember all the mistakes I’ve made, and they will at times rub salt into my wounds..but Christ-He’s the one the comes and heals it completely. He says, “I Love You” and no one can change that. He takes my regrets and turns them into victories. I am so thankful that I serve a God like that..I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And I hope that you realize how amazing the God is that we serve. Whatevr is on your plate..He loves you and He will never leave you..not ever.

Just a thought..

Amanda

Here’s a great quote from him..

13 men turned the world upside down, surely 80 students can change 500

(so paraphrased by me:) )

That’s how many posts I’ve written!

Ever sit down to write and have so much to say, but no matter how hard you try your thoughts won’t make it to the paper? yeah..that’s me right now. I seriously have a million thoughts going through my head..they have been taking away from my precious sleep time..but for some reason they won’t come out. They won’t form into something I can write about so for now I will leave you all. I will be back later when my thoughts are ready to be written about.

I’m out..

Amanda

I’ve been in the mood to write lately..perhaps partly because my mind has been restless..I can’t sleep. My mind is too full of thoughts and those thoughts usually yield themselves to a blog entry. So on to the point of this blog.

Perhaps it is because I’ve been thinking about college or perhaps it’s because my brother transfered schools..but God has been challenging my a lot on my point of view. Someone once told me, “What you think is reality becomes your reality”. And while I didn’t agree with them at the time, I think I do now. If I think that I am not wanted among a certain group of people, that becomes my reality and I avoid any and all contact with them. And I could come up with countless more examples like that. But Christ had a “Big-picture” view of life. While so often, my view is a “here and now” view-looking at life in regards to me. The more I broaden the scope of my view and my life, the more I realize how silly things are. I realized that so often I view life as being about me. What are they going that hurts me? Why am I not invited? But instead of making a difference, I complain. But see, life isn’t about me. Life is about other people-it’s about loving people. If you wanted to boil down life to one thing it would always be people. So why do we ration our love and acceptance? hy are certain people ok and certain people just not cool? Why does what someone does dictate how someone is liked? Why do we think that we are number one? Christ hung out with the lowest of the low. He ate with the sinners. He loved them-He loved the women caught in adultery. He loved the sick man. He loved the beggar. He loved the soldiers who beat Him. He loved you. He loved me. So what excuse do we have? Where in Christ’s life do we find him worrying about Himself? Read the gospels-you won’t find it cuz it’s not there. Christ didn’t care about Christ-He cared about the people He came to save. That’s our example-what are we going to do about it?

Just a thought..

Amanda

13 hours. No AC. 50 some odd teenagers. Two unreliable buses and several break downs later we made it. Our destination-Brevard, North Carolina for a week of summer camp in the sweltering heat. Every summer my church takes a a bunch of teens down to the Wilds Christian camp in Brevard for a week of well..camp. And it never fails that the trips down and back are where some of the most exciting memories are made. But there was one year that will always stick out in my mind. We were all loaded up ready to head down south for the week. We had a trailer attached to the back for the million bags us girls thought were necessary for one week..I mean, who knew how many pairs of shoes you might need. Finally, we were off..for a short while..then the trouble started. The trailer hitch broke-on the way down alone we stopped three different times trying to get it fixed. Our precious luggage hanging on by a thread. While the leaders tried to hide this fact from us..it was inevitable that we would find out our bus/trailer was having troubles. While we did arrive safely, it took longer then the estimated 13 hour trip and needless to say, we were exhausted. Not the best way to start out an even more exhausting week. Come Saturday morning, we loaded up and started to travel home. We were all sunburnt, exhausted, and ready to be home. So we started driving..they had gotten the trailer fixed and figured it would be smooth sailing. But an hour from home-so close that you could almost feel it-our bus broke down. I mean, it wouldn’t go anywhere. We were stranded in a parking lot in the middle of a big city one hour from home. Add in the fact that it was nearing 11 o’clock, it was bad. Always looking on the bright side, someone found a smashed water bottle and we ended up playing soccer with it for an hour or so until we were able to procure a ride home. To this day we still talk about that trip. And while I have traveled to that camp many many times..this one trip will always remain etched in my mind.

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