When I got married, I registered for a mirror for my bathroom. It’s a round one you hang on the wall and one side is a magnifying mirror (see picture to right). In other words, one side of the mirror shows all my flaws. Clearly.  I can easily spend a very long time in front of the mirror. Poking, plucking, prodding.  And I mean, come on, adult acne is the worst.  The crazy thing is when I step away from the tiny, magnifying mirror, those flaws I saw oh so clearly just disappear. They fade away and the zit I was convinced was the size of Texas is barely noticeable.

Now, I realize this idea could go in a million different directions, but this is where it hit me today. I spend my life looking at things in the tiny, magnifying mirror.  Each idea or project gets scrutinized and analyzed and every problem becomes Mt. Everest.  And then I tell someone else my HUGE problem and they quip, “Oh, I know someone who can do that!”  REALLY?!  I just spent an entire day trying to figure out how to make X work and in one sentence, you have a solution.

When I look at things through my eyes, it is like looking in the magnifying mirror. Each problem or hurdle is HUGE. It seems impossible. But when I step back and look at things through the eyes of Jesus, I see small hills and am reminded “with God all things are possible (Matt 19:26)“and “Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world(I John 4:4).”  As I continue to embark on a scary journey into the unknowns of starting ministries and building relationships, I am reminding myself the mirror is not the voice I should be listening to and the mountains are simply ways for me to rely greater on God and less on my feeble skills.  Stay tuned for the exciting days ahead!

I used to have an awesome morning routine. I would get up early, go to the gym, and have a decent amount of time to spend in Bible study before work.

Then..

I had to move unexpectedly, winter happened, and I was planning a wedding.  Needless to say, when your car doors are frozen shut and it’s -10 at 5am, heading to the gym is not really an option.  Beyond that, quite frankly, I got lazy and gave up completely.

Six months later, I have yet to be able to get back into a routine. It is really hard to go back to 5am wake-up calls when 6:30am has been the norm for a while.  I set my alarm, but normally just hit the snooze button until the last possible minute, get up, shower, and (barely) make it work by 8.  Every morning is rushed and stressful.  As I begin to work towards clearing my schedule, I decided the first thing I have to make time for is prayer and Bible study.  I want to prayerfully consider what I am doing, why I am doing it, and how to move forward.  Plus, my personal life, marriage, and professional life need to peace and solitude I used to find in those early mornings.

Thus for “Quit It” Day #1 I am quitting the snooze button.  I will make sure I get adequate sleep (don’t worry mom), but I am going to work towards re-building my morning routine. It is my favorite time of day.

P.S. I know this is a day late. And I semi-failed this morning, but in my defense, I have an ear infection.  Tomorrow is a new day:)

This morning, in a last-minute effort, I was searching through my cabinets for something to take to the food drive happening at work. I had actually put “canned food” on my grocery list this week and completely forgot while at TWO different grocery stores.

I pulled out four items and two of them had expiration dates in 2012.  So organic mac and cheese and a pasta side made the cut (we haven’t quite figured out the whole grocery shopping thing so our shelves are pretty bare). While I imagine it is not uncommon to find things in one’s pantry or fridge with expired dates (I mean, who knew boxed potatoes expired?),  what makes this embarrassing is…

At least two of those items have moved four times.  I have boxed up and taken my expired food to four different residences. Why I have moved so often in two years is a topic for another blog, but as I drove to work, I couldn’t help but think about all the stuff-literally and figuratively-I have carried around for the past several years.

Perhaps the expired food is simply a funny picture of the junk I lug around from place to place.  A box of potatoes (note: potatoes should never come in a box which is probably why I never made them) is a small thing to carry around, but nevertheless, had I looked at the use by date two years ago, I could have saved myself the trouble of packing and unpacking it each time I moved. I think I just figured I would make them eventually.  The same thing happens in life.  If I could move past old hurts, I could move forward with less junk.  If I could get rid of the clothes I haven’t worn in years, I could simplify my closet.  I think if we all stepped back we realize there is hurt, anger, jealousy, fear, insecurity, and a whole of stuff following us around. But maybe we just keep thinking, I might need it someday or I am not sure what to do without it. Perhaps we have been carrying it around for so long it has become part of who we are and getting rid of it will require some extra effort and time (or pain).

Our closets are busting and our schedules are hectic and we just keep adding, keep shoving, and keep packing up the expired stuff.   I am going to clean out my cabinets and throw away the old food, but I am also going to step back and work on cleaning out the junk I am carrying around inside.  It is the only way I will be able to move forward and give all of who I am to the dreams I have for the future.

Will you join me? Maybe your house needs a good spring cleaning or maybe your heart needs to let go and move forward. Wherever you find yourself today, let’s work on not hanging on so closely to expired food, hurts, and pain.

As I was planning for married life, one of my goals was to tackle cooking.  After 9 months or so of sharing a kitchen and cabinets and counter space, I was looking forward to having my own space to cook. Not to mention, we registered for all these cool gadgets so I figured I should probably learn how to use them.  The thing is, I hate to cook.  I have zero confidence when it comes to my skills in the kitchen and my mother-in-law is an EXCELLENT cook.  I had big shoes to fill.  Nevertheless, determination to be healthier and putting ourselves on a strict Dave Ramsey budget meant no more eating out and Jordan’s work schedule meant if we wanted to eat before 9:00, I was going to have to make dinner.

The whole idea of cooking just frustrates me. I like neat, orderly, and clean. Cooking is not. It is messy and the best recipes are those not on paper. (baby steps here, Jordan still laughs at me for following every recipe exactly)  You should see the kitchen when I finish. Way too many pots and bowls are dirty, you can’t see the counter, but somewhere in all of it is a decent smelling meal.  In fact, after a month, only one recipe has gotten a “don’t cook that again” response. And not because it was awful, just because neither of us really liked it.  The sense of accomplishment I have when we sit down to eat is probably a tad ridiculous. I mean, I just made a meal, not scaled Mt. Everest.

As with most things, life lessons are never far behind and attempting to cook has taught me a lot in the past month.

For one, I am a decent cook.  I haven’t burnt anything and nothing has tasted awful.  In fact, some of my dishes have been really good. I won’t be opening a restaurant tomorrow, but I am growing more confident and my hatred for cooking is fading slowly. Despite this, I start almost every meal time with the phrase, “If you don’t like it, it’s ok, I will order a pizza.”  But really what I am saying is, “I need your approval of my cooking.”  I am an approval junkie. I crave the validation of what I do.  And fear of failing or falling short of approval has kept me from trying a lot of things in life.   I see this spilling over into many other areas of my life and I am slowly growing in this area.  The reality is, Jordan married me because he loves me, not because of my stellar cooking skills. (good thing too..)  If I make an awful meal, he will still love me.  His love for me is not based on my cooking.  Even more humbling, this is the same way God views me.  His love and acceptance of us is not based on our actions.  And yet, I find myself striving so hard to make God a perfect meal when all He is asking for is my willingness to try and for me to put my effort in His hands.

Life is messy.  Just like cooking, sometimes we end the day with way too many dirty pots and dishes.  Even more, sometimes we let the mess of life get in the way of true ministry.  Rather than share our messes, we clean everything up and conceal all the evidence. One bright side to getting home before Jordan, he has no idea the mess I made in the kitchen. He does usually give me a hard time about the 5 pans I have washed, but he only sees a sink full of clean dishes. He does not see the work and effort and mess it took to make the meal.  Perhaps we are doing the world a disservice by only letting the clean dishes be seen.  I think our relationships and communities would be greatly enriched if we opened up our lives and let people in to see our dirty dishes.  Perhaps literally and figuratively. I invited a dear friend for dinner the other night and by the time dinner was ready, I was slightly ashamed at the mess I had made of the kitchen.  But my dear friend never said a word about the dirty dishes or the extra pots I used, she just thanked me for the meal and shared her heart with me over the messy counter.  My life isn’t perfect and I am willing to bet yours isn’t either. Perhaps together we can start sharing our messy homes, dishes,and lives with each other.  I believe true community will be found in the mess.

Lastly, sometimes you have to deviate from the recipe to create something truly wonderful.  The other night I was running out of ideas and had already spent our grocery budget for the week so I took a jar of marinara sauce I had and just started adding whatever I could find in my kitchen and spice cabinet. I did not  have a recipe. I didn’t measure anything. I just chopped and dashed and simmered.  In the end, we ate spaghetti with some of the best sauce I have had in a while.  I realized sometimes my rigid, color-coded, alphabetized schedule and life doesn’t leave room for the wonderful. It doesn’t leave space for spontaneity or laughter.  And it often overlooks the needs right in front of my nose. Sometimes I need to give my schedule a rest and just be in the moment.

Will you join me in throwing off  the need for approval, sharing our messes, and occasionally discarding our schedules in order to see the needs around us? I can only imagine all the ways lives would be changed if we did. 

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As a bonus, here are two of my favorite recipes:

Chicken Pot Pie Crumble

Chicken Spaghetti