Faith
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Why Sylvie Is Changing My Life
I woke up this morning a little sore. My neck was a little tight, my hips were a little achy. And I immediately thought, 4 days left…But for people like Sylvie, there is no end.A few friends and I took on a challenge put forth by World Vision ACT:S:
Spend lent digging deep into stories of poverty and injustice and through that, into the heart of God. Each week we will encounter a new story of someone living a life marked by poverty or injustice or both. As we get to know their stories, we are challenged to go deeper than simply reading. We are challenged to respond.
This is week one. Our story (you can read the full text here)
brings us to the Congo where we enter into the life of Sylvie Ngandwe, a 38 year old woman, and her three precious children who spend their days sifting rocks in hopes of putting food on the table. Barely surviving on a little over $2 a day, Sylvie is just one of many stories bred from a life of poverty. Yet this week, we focus on her and through that are studying the idea of worth. What does it mean to be worthless? To be full of worth? Where do we get our worth? In addition to a daily study on this topic, we were given a challenge for the week.Go without something physical.World Vision offered several ideas and I spent some time coming up with several reasons why I could skip this week as I have already given up several luxuries by moving to a small island. But then it hit me.Give up my bed.Sleep on the floor for a week and enter into the lives of those, like Sylvie, that have never had the luxury of a bed.
I ate my breakfast this morning in silence while tears welled up in my eyes. My heart was heavy at the thought that in four days I will go back to sleeping in my bed, while Sylvie will go on sifting rocks. She is changing me. Her story is opening my heart once again to the suffering. This time I will embrace it. This time it will change me.
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Xterra Saipan 2011
Status: Finished.
I did it.
I swam, biked, and ran my way to the end of my first triathlon. In Saipan. An event called by Triathlete magazine “the crown jewel of Xterra.” This Xterra event also drew the #1 male and female Xterra athletes, a former reigning world champ, and a whole lot of other top athletes. So cool.This is how the morning played out.
Get up at 3:45am.
Talk to parents for one final pep talk and checklist. Eat breakfast. Get dressed and double check transition bag. Head to check in at 5am. Get marked, set up bike, and lay out transition items. Chat with other athletes and try not to freak out.Swim 750meters.
As if I weren’t already nervous, we had a tsunami warning last night and apparently got hit by a very small wave. No damage, but the water was CRAZY. It was so rough, big waves, and the current was so strong at one point I could have sworn I was moving backwards. It was also low tide which meant sometimes you couldn’t swim as the water was too shallow. Needless to say, I may have done more walking than swimming. But I did it. I had a slight breakdown at the beginning (yes, there may have been tears involved), but I got in the water. 16 minutes later I got out and raced to…Bike 20km.
In addition to the rough water, we got a ton of rain in the past 24 hours. This made the bike extremely slick. The trails are slick anyways, add water on there, and they are deadly. This was the most frustrating leg. I had to walk my bike way more than I wanted and by the end, I was cursing that bike and those trails. I was soo ready to be done. Fun was not a word anywhere near my lips at that point. It was beautiful, but it was painful. This should have been a strong leg and under dry conditions would have been much faster, but all in all, I was happy to finish in 2 hours 40 minutes so I could drop my bike and head out to..Run 5km.
Easiest leg as I knew it would be. Running is my strength and first love. The course was not marked real well which was frustrating, but I still managed to average 7.41 minute miles for a finishing time of around 24 minutes. Not bad considering what I had done previous to that.Crossing the finish line was one of the proudest moments of my life. I did it. I did the impossible. I overcame my fear of water, learned how to trail ride, and ran my heart out.
My official time
3 hours 20 minutes
(they started us 1 minute late on the swim). -
CNN Freedom Project
There has been lots of buzz on my Twitter feed over CNN’s Freedom Project that was launched this week. I won’t add much to the noise other than to say that I am so thankful that this issue is coming to light in such a well-known and well-respected forum. My heart breaks over the statistics, but beyond that my heart breaks over the precious children being subjected to such an evil. May we eradicate modern-day slavery so everyone may know what it feels like to be free!
Check out the Freedom Project blog and follow them on Twitter for all the latest updates!
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Solitude
Be Still.*Cease Striving.Silence.Solitude.Alone.Those words scare me. I rarely stop for a rest, I do not like silence, and the thought of being alone haunts me all the time. I have never known how to relax or unplug. I just like to go, go, go!Exhaustion.Overwhelmed.Stressed.Anxious.These words describe my emotional state most of the time. Barely hanging on under a weight too heavy to mention. Wondering how long I keep up a positive attitude and smiling face.Rest.Clarity.Cleansing.Strength.These words are from Jesus. They are His gift to us when we choose to spend time in solitude with Him. By gazing into His face, we find that the burden is light. We find the silence to be full of love and tenderness. We find answers in the stillness. We can throw off the cares of this world and bask in the one who cares so very deeply for us. We can let the hidden parts free and accept the precious words Jesus speaks to us.Loved.Protected.Wanted.Worthy.I am His. In this beautiful relationship, the only way for it to grow is time spent alone with Him. Time in solitude. Time to turn it off, unplug it, disconnect, cease striving, and stop talking. Then and only then will I be able to move forward-Refreshed.Renewed.Reenergized.Ready.*Psalm 46:10You May Also Like
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Xterra Training Log Week 3
Motivation: The reason one has for acting or behaving in a certain wayWork, tutor, coach, swim, run, sleep, repeat. That has been my schedule for the past three weeks. My weekends have included nothing by running, biking, and swimming. I even ran to the ocean and swam on a 45 minute break I had one day this week. I haven’t slept past 5:00am in a long time.Needless to say, I am anxious to sleep until at least 7 on Saturdays, but the sacrifice has been well worth it. In exactly one week, I will attempt and, hopefully, successfully complete my first triathlon. That is why for the past three weeks, I have done little but work and train. I have given up many hours that could have been spent at the beach or reading or relaxing for many hours of hard biking and determined swimming.And it’s working! My swimming is getting better. Not perfect, but better. And you have to give me some credit-I am attempting to learn in the ocean. I am more comfortable riding the trails and my knees have not been giving me problems on my runs. One week of tapering and staying loose and hopefully all the hard work will pay off.I am slowly gaining a little confidence. Not just in my ability to swim, but in myself. This is just one obstacle that is opening the door to all kinds of others I am ready to tackle. And not tackle them with the old self-doubting girl that moved to Saipan, but with a renewed sense of adventure and determination to follow my heart. All of this from finally putting my face in the water.This is the confidence I am taking into this last week. No worries, I am not all of sudden having dreams of winning, but confidence that I will cross that finish line.7 days.156 hours.1 goal.Cross the Finish Line -
Less-Wild Lovers
I picked up my book (The Sacred Romance) again last night in hopes of calming my thoughts so I could sleep. The chapter was titled “Less-Wild Lovers.” My curiosity was immediately awakened and I ended up reading long past my bedtime.
Ever feel like the author is zeroing in on you? I felt that way about this chapter-it was written for me and not only that, it was written for me to read last night.
In the chapter, we go back to the Romance. Our relationship with the God of the universe and the most wild lover of all. This romance that is set inside of us-a longing, not just for things past, but for things to come. It is perhaps something of a haunting, as the book refers to it, leaving us longing for deep, intimate fellowship and communication. It calls us to pilgrimage. Isaiah 45:2-3 speak of God going before us. Alluding to a journey, an image not foreign to the Christian life, but perhaps what is foreign is a deep look into the kind of journey we are called to take. A journey of the heart. Yet we stand at the crossroads and are faced with two paths. One rocky, windy, with little instruction given in advance. We cannot see past the first turn and are simply called to trust. The other, wide, narrow, complete with a guidebook and first nights lodging. As a planner, I would personally like to take the path with the guidebook. It takes the risk out of it, but it also takes the heart out of it. When we traverse the wide path, we resign to discipline and rules and lose the passion stored in our hearts. When it rears back up, we just re-focus and re-amp our discipline efforts to attempt to push it back into its neat little box. “We find ourselves doing more and more to quiet the heart voice that tells us we have given up what is most important to us.”
This road, while straight and quiet, gives us no hints or tips on what to do with the depth of desire God has placed in each of us. I struggled with this for a long time. It was in Africa I realized for the first time the longing and desire in my heart. The passion that had been shoved down for so long. But I had no guidelines for what to do with that passion, so I, like most, re-doubled my efforts at being a “good” Christian. But “there comes a place on our spiritual journey where renewed religious activity is of no use whatsoever.” Here we find God reaching out his hand and asking us to give up the “less-wild lovers” in exchange for a life lived in personal, intimate relationship with Him. These “less-wild lovers” may be idols in our heart, people. actions, even good things like Christian service, but they distract us from the ultimate pursuit. And as I am coming to find, are unfulfilling and unsatisfying. They are nothing like the adventure that comes from being pursued by God and in turn, pursuing Him back.
The question then is.. am I willing to give up the “less-wild lovers” in my heart? Am I willing to step out and take a journey on a path that tells me nothing but that the ending is the ultimate satisfaction? Can my heart give up the temporary for the eternal?
Yes. It is the only choice left in my heart.
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Xterra Training Log Week 2
Saturday marked two weeks until the triathlon. It is coming quickly and I still have a steep hill to climb to be as prepared as I would like to be. I have no doubt at this point that I will finish the race and that is my only goal, however, if I could finish it in a decent time that would be kinda nice too!:)
Overall it was a good week. I was able to swim almost everyday, biked three days, and ran four.I am most concerned about the swim as that is my weakest area. And the tide was low all week so it was a bit frustrating to try to swim. Besides that, I struggled all week getting into a groove and still couldn’t figure it out. Finally, Saturday I met with my swimming instructor at a pool and she was able to pinpoint my problem areas. After many laps of swimming with a block between my legs, I was finally able to get my stroke and breathing down. When I swim I use my legs more than anything which will not be so good in a triathlon when I have to use my legs for the rest of the race. We also figured out if I breathe every four or five strokes I go slower and don’t get out of breath as quickly which means I can swim for longer and farther. It was a good day and I still have two weeks to get my swim in a little better shape.Saturday I biked about 30 km up and down hills all over the island. I am trying to get my legs in better shape for climbing and I think it is working. I finished the bike and was still feeling pretty good. I am getting less and less worried about the bike. I rode some trails and will just have to be careful I don’t get overconfident. Thankfully, I am not one that has any problem getting off and walking my bike if I need to. I would rather walk some and finish in one piece!Running won’t be a problem. I have been doing that since I came to Saipan and by the time I get to the run I figure I will be so excited, I will finish it. Plus its only a 5k which I found out is almost all road so no worries there.As of today, I have 12 days left. Going to try to train hard this week so I can back off next-unfortunately, I have a crazy week at school so we will see how that goes. -
A Much Needed Evaluation
I found this blog post today entitled “Why I Stopped Serving the Poor,” and I must admit, I mostly clicked on it because I curious. Seeing as much of my life lately has been obsessed with this idea of loving and serving those at the margins, I figured I should see why someone would stop doing that. It was, in the end, one of the most powerful things I have read in a really long time.
The author, Claudio Oliver, lives in Brazil and has spent his life there serving the poor and needy. So why would he write this..because so many people need to hear it and need to ask “why.”
We are not all that different-the rich and the poor. At the core, Oliver points out the following:“Without exception, rich and poor have the same conviction that what they need is something that the market, money, the government or some other agency can offer them.”
We think that the key to success or happiness or even the solution to the problem is to raise the standard of living, to provide goods, to do something that man can do. To rescue the poor. But is this the right mentality? Oliver would argue not.Jesus doesn’t have any good news for those who serve the poor. Jesus didn’t come to bring good news of the Kingdom to those who serve the poor; he brought Good News to the poor. He has nothing to say to other saviors who compete with him for the position of Messiah, or Redeemer.Scary thought huh? Perhaps instead of seeking to serve the poor from our positions of wealth and importance, we should look at an alternative.
The only way to remain with the poor is if we discover that we are the miserable ones. We remain with the poor when we recognize ourselves, even if well disguised, in him/her who is right before our eyes. When we can see our own misery and poverty in them, when we realize our own needs and our desperate need to be saved and liberated, then and only then will we meet Jesus and live life according to His agenda.God is not manifest in our ability to heal, but in our need to be healed. Finding out this weakness of ours leaves us in a position of having nothing to offer, serve, donate, but reveals our need to be loved, healed and restored.When we see ourselves as poor and in need of a Savior, we can then see ourselves in the poor and relate to them on a very different level. We can grow in our trust and reliance on Christ and see the power in the cross and the relationship that stems from that.
Jesus calls us to become incarnate and to see ourselves in the other and to place ourselves under him or her as powerless dependents. He calls us to give up in trusting our own capacity to impart goodness and to change our direction in order to encounter and recognize our own wounds, weakness and pain. From there, we discover the power that lies in being less and not more.
I believe it comes back to our hearts. God has surely called us to love and serve the poor, but are we serving from a savior mentality or from an equal mentality? Are we able to see Jesus in them? Are we able to see ourselves? The entire article is an excellent read so check it out if you are curious. And let us never forget that we are here as God’s hands and feet to do His will, not to accomplish our own.
Italic sections taken from here -
Xterra Training Log Week 1
One week down..19 days to go!
I spent most of this week questioning my decision to enter, but nevertheless pushed forward with training. On Monday, I could swim for 3 minutes straight. Pathetic and so far from where I needed to be or need to be. But I swam and ran everyday but Wednesday. Wednesdays are my bike day because I don’t have much after school so I can get in a decent ride before dark. Thankfully it has been staying light till closer to 7 these days so I have an extra hour or so of time to train. Friday I hit a breakthrough. I swam for 15 minutes straight. I realize this is a small feat for most of you, but considering 6 months ago I wouldn’t have swam for 10 seconds in the ocean, I was very proud of myself. I finished up the week with a decent ride down part of the Xterra trail and a 20 minute swim. I still have a steep hill to climb, but I am going to keep trucking along and hope that beyond some measure I am able to finish on race day.
Mentally, I am nervous and anxious. I am still very cautious about this swim. I am just slow and unsure of myself in the water. I am getting better and over the weekend could definitely tell I am getting more comfortable in the water in general. Today on my bike I was able to walk myself through some of the more technical side of mountain biking and stay on course. It was a huge confidence booster and I am simply trying to cross the finish line. The run will be no problem. I am not worrying in the slightest about that-its a 5k and all road I found out! My dad is sending me a camelback and I am slowly piecing together a set of instructions/items needed for transitions. I wish my dad was here to see me and help me train, but alas this is my personal battle with the ocean and with my self-confidence. I am determined to stop doubting myself so much and this is the final battle.
Overall, week 1 was a success. Here’s to week two..gonna pick up the pace a little this week!
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Xterra Saipan
After my successful finish in the bike race this morning, I have decided I am going to enter into the Xterra Saipan Sport Triathlon. I have been talking about it and sorta training for it and dreaming about it, I just finally decided I needed to do it. I know if I don’t, I will regret it. So the plan for the next 30 days looks roughly like this:
Eat, work, coach/tutor, swim, run, and bike, eat, sleep. Repeat.Don’t worry, I won’t swim, run, and bike all in the same day. Except for March 12th which is when the actual event takes place. And the course is short, but tough. Its broken down like this:750 m swim. 20k bike. 5k run.Sounds easy right? Except that perhaps this is a better explanation:750 m swim through the salty ocean. 20K bike up and down steep hills and through very technical mountain bike trails. 5k run through the jungle.But I can do it. I know it. And even if I am the last person to cross the finish line, I just want to be able to say I did it. It will be the pinnacle of all the fears I have fought since moving to this tiny island and a perfect way to go out with a bang. Although, hopefully not a literally bang. 🙂 So here is to hard core training and facing fears.BRING IT ON!
