Community
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Thought-Provoking
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end-which you can never afford to lose-with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” -James Stockdale, a prisoner of war for 7 wars.I had to read this a few times to let it sink in. Thoughts? -
And The Plan Is…
..to have no plan!!!Basically, for once in my life, I have absolutely no clue what is next and I am totally okay with that! Folks, that is a huge testament of the grace of God for two months ago that sentence would have thrown me into a full-fledged panic attack. In fact, two months ago that statement did throw me into one. But God is faithful and through a series of events has brought me to a place of embracing and even, perhaps, being excited(?) about not having plan. Yes-me! The master of planning everything to the tiniest detail has thrown caution to the wind and stepped out into the unknown of the future with no plan, just a whole lot of passion.Therefore, I have decided that I will be home in May and will not be returning to Saipan. God has just given me peace that it is time to move on. I have done a lot of praying and soul searching and through that have realized that I want to be free to pursue those things I am passionate about. I have no clue what I will do next, but I can assure you that it will be far bigger than my wildest dreams could imagine because I have the Creator of the Universe painting the picture of my life. I mean, who would have guessed I would spend a week in Bali riding elephants? 🙂 -
Some Cool Links
Sometimes I keep this blog as more of a reminder to myself. I plan to print it all off someday, but until then I want to remember these and perhaps you might want to check them out too.
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2011
So far 2011 has been quite eventful. I spent the first two days in Bali/traveling and the came home to see a relationship end and a new school year begin. Its amazing how God can work in our lives so quickly and through such incredible ways. I would have never thought a week in a foreign land would bring so much clarity to my thoughts and so much boldness to my life.
As I have been processing through some of my thoughts on Bali, I have come to several realizations. First being, I really enjoy hanging out with myself. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love people! But I can and am perfectly content to spend time alone as well. Bali was a week in which for one of the first times I did what I wanted to do. I didn’t have anyone else to worry about and I didn’t feel bad for sleeping in or watching TV amidst the beautiful island. I met people and listened and learned and sorta accepted and settled into the fact that I very often choose the road less traveled and actually prefer it. One of these days I will find someone to journey that road with me, but it is not one many people choose to take. Its not safe or easy, it can be lonely and full of unanswered questions. But it is also full of adventure and excitement! It brings you to places of sharing a meal with a lawyer from Europe, a family from Australia, and a guy from France who is just living. It brings you to new experiences and new cultures and new places in your heart that you were unaware were there.I also realized that so often my central struggle is this whole issue of trust. I just simply do not trust that there is a plan or that I could accomplish the plan or that, even if I don’t know the plan. there still is one. I am learning the hard way that when we take life into our hands, we simply make a mess of it and have to slink back into God’s arms and trust that He can turn our mess into His plan. And that no plan is not a bad thing. I don’t have to know the next step before I take it. Sometimes the answer is to just take a step into the dark and trust that God will keep your foot from falling into sinking sand.Therefore, on that note, I have made a decision about what is next. Or rather, made a decision to trust God for what is next. I will tell you what it is in a few days once I have told those that need to be told rather than reading it on my blog.Thanks for reading my dear blog friends…you are precious to me! -
Repost: http://lothblogs.wordpress.com/
I needed to hear this today so maybe someone else does too. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own life and I forget that I may be making an impact on those around me without even noticing. I have been following Baby Samuel’s story and it has touched my life. Today it reminded me that our impact is eternal and may never be revealed to us. But read on..
…But, amidst this routine, there are literally thousands praying. Hundreds are retweeting and reposting. People from all over the world are praying for Samuel, and this is due only to the Holy Spirit placing it upon believers’ hearts in earnest for a precious little boy. But does Samuel know it? Dare I say does he even care?
I do. Kelly does. Those closest to us do. But Samuel breathes with the help of the machine without noticing all that he is being used to do. People have shared with me over and over again that Samuel is an inspiration to them. Others have uttered prayers from previously prayerless hearts. Some are giving God a chance once again; others have never prayed so hard in their lives.
But does Samuel notice how he is being used by the Almighty God? I think not. But I think it doesn’t matter. I would argue that in our own lives, we may or may not know how much we are being used. I am not sure it matters that we know. What matters most is that God is glorified in our lives; whether by life or by death. Samuel, I believe with all my heart, is not the story. It’s God’s story affecting thousands through a life that isn’t even noticing. Why? So that God alone gets the glory.
I have to challenge myself, and you dear reader therefore, that we too have the same desire in being used by God. Sometimes we have no idea how we are being used by the Lord. Many of us seek the fame, attention, and will of our own lives. We seek comfort, security, rest, peace, financial well being, yet in our seeking, we make it about ourselves. Samuel is a special child; he has no idea how he is being used. Yet truly, we should in all humility seek to decrease in our lives as the Lord increases. Samuel has no choice in the matter; we on the other hand, do.
As many of you have encouraged me during this time, let us spur one another on in good deeds for Jesus Christ. Let me encourage you to make it your aim to decrease in your life so the Lord increases; give Him all the glory. Some of us need to be knocked out. Some of us need to be put on His life support. All of us need the love and forgiveness offered only through Jesus Christ. It is for this reason that we decrease and give God the glory in our lives. This alone is enough to praise Him in all we do.
Be blessed, rest in the arms of the Almighty tonight, and place your life again in the only capable life support available to you; Jesus Christ. Thank you all again for your prayers and I can’t wait to see God continue to move with glory through the life of a precious baby who doesn’t even notice.
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Just a Piece of Paper
Letter of Intent.It sat staring at me in the face this morning when I got to our morning meeting.A simple piece of paper with so much attached to it.All I have to do is check one line. That’s it.And yet, as I walked back to my classroom, my head was spinning and my stomach churning at the thought of having to make that decision.So much rides on those lines.I have some time to consider the choice and I plan on taking every minute of it.I am almost 24 and still have no clue what I want to do with my life. I can usually avoid dealing with it until..A letter of intent shows up. -
Happy Birthday
To me:)My birthday is on Wednesday, but some of my best friends here in Saipan will be gone by then so we had an early celebration today. Andrea, Chris, Joyce, Kayla, Anna, and I went out to dinner and to see The Nutcracker. We went out to eat at this Italian restaurant here on island. As much as I love trying all the new foods, I really wanted Italian for my birthday. The food was wonderful-I had a crab spaghetti and I got a piece of pumpkin pie with a candle in it because we told them we were celebrating my birthday! The Nutcracker was amazing. It was at an outdoor amphitheater which was really cool and the performance was so good. They flew in professional ballerinas from Russia, Japan, and Korea to dance with the students and I really enjoyed it. I love ballet and it was a perfect way to celebrate!My friend Leah and I were talking last week and I was lamenting on how sad I was to spend my birthday so far from home and we prayed that I would have an awesome birthday. I have to admit, so far this has been one of the best birthdays ever and it isn’t even here yet! I had a great week last week. It was full of Christmas programs, band concerts, pedicures, and beach days. I had some really good times with my students and realized how much they are growing on me and how much I am enjoying being a teacher. And the early birthday celebration was just what I needed to lift my spirits and remind me of the wonderful people I have in my life. Plus, on top of this weekend, I get to share my actual birthday with my Bible study group who are truly a family away from home.Overall, life is so so good. I am loving Saipan and getting excited for Christmas and Bali! God is truly blessing me and helping me to fall in love with this island and enjoy every minute of my time here. -
Baby Samuel
I have no idea who this family is. I have never met them and I am not even sure where they live. But I have been following their story on their blog and it has captured my heart. This precious baby is hanging on for dear life and it is going to take a miracle for him to survive. But we serve a God that is still in the business of working miracles so I am praying my heart out for this little guy and I am asking my blog readers to do the same. Visit their blog, read their story, and pray hard for Baby Samuel. May his life be a testimony of the powerful God we serve and what can happen when the Church falls on their knees before Him.http://lothblogs.wordpress.com/category/updates-on-life-on-the-hill/
We ask you to intervene in the life of Samuel. May his breath be your breath. Heal his precious body and improve his kidney function. Be with the doctors and nurses and give them wisdom. Be with his parents and help them to only listen to Your truth. That You love them and You love Samuel. Work a miracle as only you can do.Amen -
Edgar
God works in mysterious ways and so often when we are at our lowest He steps in to show us His greatness.This happened today. I left school frustrated and overwhelmed. I was already nervous about my big race Saturday and it has just been an emotional few days. I wanted to get in one final ride before I start tapering off to get my legs rested up for the big day. So I headed out towards the airport, unsure of where my ride would take me, but knowing that I just needed to ride. I am almost to the airport and as I am climbing a hill in the wrong gear and huffing and puffing an older gentleman named Edgar rides up beside me and offers an encouraging “You can do it!” I get to the top and he rides up kinda beside me so I turn and ask him if he is also preparing for the race. (It was a fairly safe bet that he was) We talked a bit about the race and his four-man team vs. my two-woman team. Apparently I am brave for tackling it with a two person team and taking on what everyone says is the toughest leg. He kept riding with me. As we went along, he helped me with shifting and figuring out which gears are best for flats, hill climbs etc. He helped me with my form on the uphills and downhills. And he just rode with me. Up and around and back-I have no idea where he was actually planning on going or where he needed to go. As we were heading back, he goes “You are a very strong rider.” I have to admit that was exactly the boost of confidence I needed today. I don’t feel like I have had enough time to prepare and I have been so scared I am going to fail and miss our cutoff time. But after riding beside Edgar for an hour and listening to the tips and advice and him coming to the final conclusion that I was an ok rider just put me at peace. Beyond that it made me realize that you just never know who will show up at the right time to be exactly what you needed. There is no one I know that could have said anything to calm my nerves. But this stranger who took a few minutes out of his day to help a struggling rider made more of impact than he will ever know. I will finish that race. I am more excited than nervous and feeling better about it than I did yesterday. So bring on the Hell! -
Thank You
It’s that time of year…we start thinking about what we are thankful for. It should be something we do all year, but it especially comes up around this time of year. So here goes a thank you.
Yesterday I had a very surreal moment. I was sitting in a circle with a group of junior high girls mediating a conversation about friendships, gossip, and life. As I looked around, I realized that I was now the authority. I was the teacher that these girls were talking to. No longer was I the junior high girl pouring out my heart, but the person on the other end. I am the grown-up. Weird. I don’t feel that way. But as my 24th birthday approaches..I realize that in this setting, I am the grown up. I am the adult, the teacher, the mentor. Therefore, I feel it is appropriate to thank my mentors. If not for several very influential people in my life, I would not be here today.First and foremost, my parents are the single most constant thing in my life other than God. They have been my biggest fans, cheerleaders, advice givers, and tear wipers. I would not be the person I am today aside from their love and guidance. No way would I have the courage to move to the other side of the world to teach if it weren’t for their ever-constant belief that if I put my mind to it, I can do it. They are my strength and support and I am so very very thankful to have two such amazing people for parents.Second, Nicole. She was my first youth leader. My mentor turned best friend. Our countless lunch dates, talks, and trips together have produced a bond that I pray lasts forever. She has always been there to listen, to encourage, to push, and to challenge me. She lets me download my thoughts on life, religion, God, and is always a source of encouragement and support. I would not be the person I am today if I did not have her leadership and guidance in my life.Third, Sherry. She was a high school teacher turned friend and has become like second family to me. I love just hanging out on her couch talking about life and catching up on all that has gone on. She showed me the blessing of being single and the joy of being married. She has constantly left an impact in my life without even realizing it.Fourth, Kris. She opened her home, her family, and her life to me over the past year. I looked forward to my weekly babysitting with so much anticipation, you would think I was doing something far more exciting than watching four munchkins. But her love for her kids and for those that came into her home was one of the most amazing, sacrificial things I have witnessed. She let me rant about work. She let me laugh and cry. She listened…really listened to what I was saying. And then she would do the simplest things like buy me a space heater that meant the world to me. She communicated that I was important and that when we can meet needs, we should.Leah and Erin-My best friends, soul-sisters, and loyal confidantes. I don’t know what I would do without you two. I miss you both something awful. Leah-I miss our walks, our game nights, our chats, and the brutal honesty I could have with you. I miss having someone who can finish my sentences and understand what I am thinking when I don’t even understand it. I miss your laughter and your love for life. Erin-I miss your laughter as well. I miss our chats on your back porch, your sweet spirit, our morning runs, and the fun we had together. I know we didn’t know each other long, but I felt like I found a friend for life in you.My new friend Anna. Third grade teacher, pseudo-roommate, and partner-in-crime for all my island adventures. I could not live in Saipan without you. I love sharing meals and adventures with you. Downloading and processing our days. and running and biking together. I love that you love ice cream, Friends, and reading. I love that we can enjoy so many of the same things, that we have found a Bible study to be part of, and that you are going to go to Sydney with me! Thank you for being such an amazing friend.Chris and Joyce-my new found family in Saipan. Your life and ministry speaks volumes about the kind of people you are. You have opened your home and lives to me and made the transition to being so far from home so easy. Thank you for running errands, cooking, and checking in throughout the week. Thank you for the adventures and the chats about life. I am so thankful God brought you back to Saipan and into my life.Kelly and Allison. My co-workers. Sanity keepers. Friends. I never would have made it through work some days if it weren’t for you two. Thank you both for being so interested in my life. Thank you for believing in me and supporting me. I appreciate your friendship so much.Kati B-I have to include you because I might not have survived Africa without you and because of your example and influence, I haven’t shopped at Wal-Mart in over a year. You introduced me to the world of social justice and you got my wheels turning. In addition, I acquired a whole new set of music I love and found a friend that would crawl in bed and hug me because really that’s all I needed.Lastly, but certainly not the least or really even the last, as this list could go on and on. My neighbors from back home-Quincy and Liz. I only knew them a short time, but they showed me that I could still love God and love the things I am passionate about. That I could care about the world and social justice and loving my neighbor. That perhaps these things were really most important when centered on a love for Christ and that sharing a meal is perhaps the most Godly thing you can do. I can’t express in words how thankful I am for the times I could come home to cookies or to a dinner invite. I admire their marriage, their love for other’s and Christ, and their commitment to the Word of God. I sure miss Liz’s cooking too!I could go on and on but I don’t think anyone really reads this anyways so I am going to stop there. However, that list is at best incomplete. There are countless other pastors, youth leaders, and friends that have impacted my life in ways I cannot explain. I am the person I am today because so many people have taken the time to listen, to care, to feed me, and to invite me into their lives. I am learning that life truly is about community and loving others. At the end of it all, we remember faces and people..not things. So thank you. May you never grow tired or weary of being the amazing people you are.
