The leaves are starting to change, the weather is getting cooler, and pumpkin and apple items are out in full swing. I love fall. It is by far my favorite season of the year. And I missed it last year. Granted, I was loving my island life, but I did miss the colors, the weather, and apple cider. And as seasons change, so does life.  Last night a friend joked about what they were doing this time last year and I thought, this time last year I was working on report cards. My how time changes. In light of that, I have been very reflective over the past few days. Partly because I have been missing Anna something awful, but mostly because life is truly changing. And as each day passes, I am feeling more and more the changes and more and more like an adult. (scary!)

 I do not normally like change. Ironically, as much as I love adventure, I am not much on change. I keep the same schedule, eat the same food, and have a place and spot for everything I own. On the flip side, if you leave my personal effects alone, I will try anything, go anywhere, and probably be laughing and enjoying it the whole time.  A contradiction. Lover of adventure: hater of change. Yet life is changing and I am slowly learning to be ok with that.

Biggest change, I am finally feeling very settled. Something I never thought I would say nor did I ever think I wanted.  After a long time of moving twice a year, living out of boxes and suitcases, and just generally not having any idea where “home” really was, I am officially unpacked, settled, and home. Granted, southern Indiana was not the place I ever thought I would call home, but as the months have passed, I can truly say that I love it here.  Perhaps this will not be home forever, but for now, it is home.  My apartment is fully unpacked, organized, and starting to look like home. The next item on the agenda is to paint.  On the job front, this week marks that illusive 90 days which is crazy to think about. Seems like just yesterday I was interviewing and packing up to move back.  I love my job too. Sure, some days are long, but I can honestly say that I really enjoy going to work each day. 

Beyond that, I am re-connecting with old friends, making new, and becoming increasingly overwhelmed with how blessed I am by those relationships. Aside from Anna, my closest girlfriends live within 5 minutes of me and while we may not see each everyday, they are a constant source of laughter and encouragement. As I get older, I am so thankful for them and can honestly say I think they will be the friends I keep for the rest of my life.  They are my running partners, my cheering squad, and my dinner dates. I am truly a lucky girl.

And not being one to ever sit still, I am tackling a new challenge in a little over two months-a master’s degree.  Going back to school was always something I knew I wanted to do. I am a learner at heart and cannot wait to get back into the books. I know, that makes me a nerd. But I am so excited! I am also enjoying not having anything to do in my evenings as soon they will be full of classes and homework.

There are other things coming up that will provide for more blog posts.. not having Internet at home and not doing much has not given me a lot to write about, but I have a race, sky diving, and a birthday on the horizon:)

All in all, life is wonderful. I love it so much! I am so thankful for the people around me, the way God has orchestrated every detail, and even all the changes as they are maturing and growing me in ways I never thought possible.

Determined not to let my current land-locked state hinder me, I have set off to cross another item off my bucket list.

The challenge: a half marathon. In eight weeks.

Being back in Indiana, far away from my little island has certainly taken its toll. For the most part, I am thankful to be home and I am really thankful to be closer to my family, but there is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t find myself looking wistfully out the window hoping it will be blue ocean I see instead of traffic. I know coming home was the right decision, but it has been a pretty stressful transition and I have definitely thought multiple times about getting on a plane and going back.  So the stress levels have been high and after finally getting settled into an apartment (three months after arriving home), I knew I needed to do something to keep myself from breaking down.

After some prodding from friends, I was finally convinced to tackle the half.  Its something that I have wanted to do for a while, but kept coming up with reasons why I would not be able to complete  it and failure is not an option in my world.   But after the fourth person asked me to run it, I gave in and found a training program that I felt I could finish. It is not quite as running intensive as some other ones I had researched and so far the knees and hips are doing great. I ran four miles Saturday and felt great! Monday a friend and I started week #2 off with a great 2.5 mile run and this morning I got up at 5:30 to train for thirty minutes before work.  And of course, while the stress of life has not decreased, my emotional ability to handle it has increased.  I am happier, I sleep better, and I am slowing learning to enjoy life here in Indiana.  Not to mention,  e-mail and Skype keep me in close contact with the reasons I miss Saipan the most!

So bring on the training, the sore legs, and hopefully the ultimate feeling of accomplishment. 1 week down, 7 to go!

It’s amazing how much we take for granted our sight.  Even if you wear glasses or contacts, you just never really think about the fact that you can see. Maybe it takes an extra step in the morning, but eventually you can see clearly and you go throughout the rest of your day not really thinking much about the fact that you can actually see. But what happens if that sight is gone? Or not as good? What happens when your prescription is out of date?

Things get blurry. It is hard to see. Words are fuzzy. Life is cloudy.

Welcome to my world.

Things are a bit blurry. My eyes aren’t working so great right now as I am in the healing process of PRK (a form of LASIK) eye surgery. I worked really hard and saved my money last year so that this summer I could have LASIK because I was over wearing glasses. I wanted to be able to see! And both my parents had it done so I knew it wasn’t a huge ordeal and a pretty safe procedure. Sadly I wasn’t a candidate for LASIK; my cornea’s were too thin so I had to have PRK which is basically the same procedure, just with a much longer recovery time. So instead of instant gratification, life is blurry. And may continue to be so for six or so weeks. Talk about a major bummer. But, as with most things in life,  there is always a lesson to be learned.

First off I am learning the value of being patient. We live in a world of instant gratification and as such, I wanted instantly perfect eyesight.  I am not very good at being patient anyways, but my eyesight is pretty crucial to my life. So this week I have had to take my time, read slowly, and use lots and lots of eye drops to simply continue doing the tasks normal and easy to my job.  Its been frustrating to say the least. But as I have thought over my life, I can see this general theme.  I am always in a hurry. I always want to get to the next thing. And I miss a lot in the process. But now that life is blurry, life is actually getting clearer. I have to slow down. I have to take my time.  I have to take a break and close my eyes and breathe. And I can’t spend my evenings on my computer. I have to unplug and turn off the media. Ironically, that’s probably what I should have been doing all along.

Also, I am discovering that seeing clearly does not always have to be the prerequisite for acting clearly. We may not see the end result, the whole picture, or the fine details. But that does not mean we should shy away from acting. I could have spent the week lying around complaining, which, I’ll admit I did do some of. But I also spent the week connecting with people and dreaming and plotting for the next step. I have no idea the fine details. I can’t see the big picture. In fact, all I have is a blurry idea of what I want it to look like. But that is enough. That is enough to move forward.  Because we aren’t called to know every detail, see every fine line, and perceive every possible outcome. We are simply to live and do and act. And that is exactly what I am doing. Despite so many things, I will continue to move forward, albeit perhaps a bit more slowly, but forward I will move because the fine details will fall into place at the right time. And eventually they tell me I will be able to read again.

So as with most things, I am growing and learning from something that was never intended to be that.  And I am more confident in who I am and where I am going then I ever have been before.  And really it all comes down to this:

Sometimes to see clearly everything has to get a little blurry first.

Seems like lately life has been full of a million changes that are also revealing more of myself to myself. Weird concept I guess, but it seems the more the outside changes, the more the inside changes. Growth we will call it. But there is one thing that has never changed. I do not like groups. Perhaps cliques or clubs or small groups are  better words.  Regardless of what you call them, I have never been one that wants to attach themselves to a group. I can tell you exactly why.

6th grade. Rough year I think for a lot of people. I had just moved half-way across the country, far from the only life and only friends I had ever known. I started a new school and because I was the new girl got instantly included in the “popular” group. It was awesome, or so I thought. I had friends that ate lunch with me, talked to me at my locker, dated only the cute boys-we were the “in” crowd.  All was well until one day, I noticed a girl eating lunch by herself. I don’t think anyone should ever eat alone and so I decided to sit with her thinking my friends would understand. I mean, she was sitting by herself. Well, after a few days, the leader of the popular crowd comes to my locker and gives me an ultimatum. Them or her. I had to choose. I couldn’t be friends with both of them. I was devastated. I can still vividly remember sitting on the porch crying as I was now faced with an awful decision. I kept sitting with the girl. Which was fine until a few weeks later, the popular crowd decided they liked this girl and invited her to lunch, not me. In one month I lost both groups of friends. Thankfully, it turned out ok and I made a group of friends I still keep in touch with. We were so much alike and a bunch of nerds who sat around and read animorph books and played four-square at lunch. Not to mention we are all friends with most of the school in some capacity or another. I would have never talked to them had I not been “kicked” out of the popular kid group and eventually even the popular kids started talking to me again.

However, ever since then I have never wanted to attach myself solely to one group. I know what its like to feel left out, to be made to choose sides, and to ultimately get left behind anyways. I also know what its like to have friends that are your friend because of you, not because of who you hang out with. Thing is, one being part of one group, lends itself to one unpleasant consequence. You often get left out of all the groups. This happened numerous times in high school as I was friends with everyone and no one at the same time it seemed. I liked everyone, but when Friday night rolled around, it seemed more often than not, more people forgot about me. Same thing happened in college. When you are friends with everyone, sometimes it can feel like you are friends with no one. Thing is, I am still not willing to give in and attach myself to one group. I am a little weird. I can eccentric interests. And I am easily entertained. This leads me to be able to be friends with all variety of people. Yet sometimes, at the end of the day, I do wish there was that one friend you could always count on.

I had a friend like that in Saipan. But I am learning that what works so perfectly on a small island does not translate so well into the big sea of America. I am learning that being part of a group is how things operate. And if you aren’t part of a group, its sorta like a fish swimming upstream.  Nevertheless, swimming I will continue because I know that life is much better when you are friends with everyone. And because you just never know when someone else needs a friend. Sure, I may end up spending some more Friday nights alone. And I may end up feeling left out a time or two. But then again, that just better enables me to minister to those who always feel left out. To love those who never feel like they fit in. Because I feel that way to. And I have made some of the most amazing friends and met some incredible people because I didn’t limit myself. Because I didn’t stay attached to one specific group.

So today my challenge is: step outside of your group for a minute and make a new friend. You just never know how much of an impact you may make.  And you may never know when being left out is the best way to find a place where you fit in.

Well, my first attempt to blog again ended in my well-thought out post mysteriously disappearing. It was here and when I published it apparently it vanished. So try attempt #2.

I am back. And while this post may not be earth-shattering, I finally decided I needed to get back to writing. I love it so much, but just needed some time to process and adjust to life back at home.

Tis the season of weddings!!  That handsome guy is my brother and the bride is my new sister!!—>

My little brother got married about three weeks ago. I got home just in time for the wedding to be getting into high gear. Between showers, rehearsals, and the actual wedding we were all a little busy. My little brother is so grown up-it seems like just yesterday we were running around as kiddos playing and picking on each other. I am sure I was not always the nicest big sister, but my little brother means the world to me. He is one of my favorite people and I will always see him as my little brother whom I love and admire so very much. His wife is pretty great too! I am very excited to have another girl in the family and to have a sister!  They are home from their honeymoon and he is getting ready to leave for basic training for the Air Force so it is busy busy around here!

This past weekend my cousin got married. Her and I are closest in age on that side of the family-only nine months apart. We were really close as kids, but have drifted as we have grown older. Life just took us down different paths. But she is family and I love her!! It was such a blast being able to celebrate her special day. Her husband is a great guy and we had a blast dancing the night away. As I was dateless (a theme lately) I spent most of the night twirling the flower girl around. She was adorable! It was also wonderful to get to see a whole bunch of extended family that I haven’t seen in years!!!  I realized how thankful I am for my family and how truly supportive they are! Everyone was anxious to hear of my year abroad.

Although after all this talk of love and newlyweds, I am learning the importance of being content and thankful for life experiences. While part of my wishes I were getting married, I know that everything happens in due time. And plus, I am pretty stoked about the next stage in life! (more on that later!) To my family-I love you guys!! To my bloggging friends-I am back!! The tranisition took a bit longer then I had hoped, but in the processing of it all I have content to write about for a very long time!  And boy am I glad to be back to writing!

Until next time.. peace and love!

Meet Tessa Zeng. Master Creator of Experiencing Revolution.

She is the embodiment of someone who has kicked the status quo to the curb and is carving out her own place in this world. A former art student turned rogue blogger turned future ebook extraordinaire-she is an inspiration and a catalyst for change and outside of the box thinking.

Lately, one of the things I am loving is making new friends that I have never met. Friends that have similar interests and ideas and are united under a desire to pursue our passions with gusto. Tessa is one of those people so I asked if I could interview her. I had read her blog and decided I wanted to get to know her a little better.  She graciously agreed and here are her thoughts. Enjoy!

1. What is your favorite food? Color? Thing to get in the mail?

Hardest questions first?! OK: Freeze-dried strawberries, a constant battle between emerald green/magenta/fuschia/absolute ultramarine… and the coolest thing to get in the mail are real words. Hand-written letters, books, etc. My friend AnnaMarie has sent some remarkable postcards from Paris that might rival that statement, though, now that I think of it.

2. What are 3 words that define you?

Why is cat?

3. What got you started blogging?

Chris Guillebeau’s 279Days to Overnight Success . I had this resistance to the idea, having dabbled in online journaling growing up and witnessed the growth spurt of fashion blogs. But Chris said something to the effect of- if you have ideas, a blog is the best way to get them out there. And I was like…ok, wow, why not?

My first blog was what I call a not-fashion blog. I had absolutely no idea what I was in for, and trial-and-errored for four months, learning the ins and outs of WordPress, social media, etc, which was the best training ground ever.

4. What are two places you get your inspiration from?

1) When things hit a nerve. I spend so much time just soaking things in and processing them. Then the inevitable explosion happens in my head- blog posts really are like land mines.

2) What other people aren’t saying. It’s like the truths are all buried underground, and sooner or later you realize no one else is digging them up quite the way you want them to, and you pick up the shovel with your own hands. Hm, I’m sensing a ‘buried’ metaphor here.

5. Where do you want to take your blog?

This is an interesting question. I could say- to a wider engagience, a more effectively-positioned platform, perhaps most accurately to the point where I can experiment with a variety of projects. But mostly, I want to take my blog into the real world. I call it the Laptop2Life conversion rate . I believe online data is only as powerful as how much we can figure out how to leverage it offline.

6. What are the top 5 blogs you read?

Here’s where I make people mad, haha. I’ve never done RSS, Google Reader… in the beginning I read like mad, because it was like discovering a new world. But I’ve found that once you immerse yourself, curate your Twitter feed to a certain extent, and most importantly- keep writing and unraveling your own thoughts, other people’s posts will just crop up when relevant.

That said- I probably singlehandedly spiked pageviews at Chris’s AoNC, Danielle’s WhiteHotTruth, and Ash’s TheMiddleFingerProject. Too many current inspiration hubs to list, but I’m especially soaking up the philosophical headiness of MingZhu’s The Public Studio and John Hagel’s Edge Perspectives.

7. Why the interest in changing the way we create?

Heh, my old ebook title was going to be Changing the World = Changing the Way We Create. And though I’ve since jumped ship for a sexier catchphrase (you’ll have to wait and see!), I really believe that. Coming from art school, where everything was about making…  juxtaposed with all the changemakers and passionate philosophy I’ve encountered since online, I’ve stumbled across an intersection that few seem to be exploring- that our creativity has the potential to open up the greatest channels of communication possible.

Creation is how we’ve gotten here, how we’ve built up the world around us with bare hands. And if we can do it more deliberately than ever before, and find new ways to make everything- from blog posts (http://experiencingrevolution.com/hey-there-im-an-awesome-blog-post-you-should-obviously-come-read-me/) to clothing (http://rethinkingstyle.com/style-yourself-free)- we’ll be able to design the experience of a more enlightened world.

8. If you could give a new blogger one piece of advice, what would it be?

Forget how blogging is ‘supposed’ to be done. Learn from the best and do your research, but don’t let it define you. It’s just as in anything- no one really knows what they’re doing, the experts finangled their way there, and Thesis theme just happens to work for a giant sea of status-quo-busting blogs that now, ironically, all look the same. Dare to experiment.

9. What is one way you feel Experiencing Revolution changing the world?

To be honest, I don’t know. I think it’s too early to tell. But this also touches on something I’m arguing in my ebook- that specific changes are rarely the point. What really matters is the larger shift, which I get a sense of when someone comes out of the woodwork to comment with a passionate anecdote, or when new changemakers somehow find and resonate with my online work (like when you emailed me, Amanda!) – that’s the real change I feel. It feels more tangible than statistics. And more than anything, I feel a new experience shaping!

10. What is one thing you hope to accomplish with the release of your new e-book?

Start to shift a major paradigm about the way we make things. If I can make a visible dent in the ancient rock of creative thinking, I’ll be thrilled! Not to mention clarify my vision that much more for anyone who finds me and my work- and isn’t that communication clarity what we all long for?

Her e-book comes out on April 30th! If you’re creatively ambitious and curious, check out Tessa’s site for more details… or go straight to the cat 😉

Check it–> I have been blogging for NINE years! That’s right, 9!

For most of those 9 years, my mom was my biggest fan (and she still is!), but I finally decided I wanted to put a little more effort into this and put myself out there in the blogging world. I starting reading all these blogs created by people who seemed pretty similar to me–passionate, full of ideas, and with no desire to stick to the status quo. They have crazy successful blogs and I thought, “if they can do it, why can’t I?”

This idea was scary to me. The thought of putting myself out there is WAY outside of my comfort zone. Further outside of that zone then “pack-up-and-move-7000-miles-around-the-world-to-an-island-no-one-has-heard-of.” That was easy. Believing that I have something to say that someone other than my mom might want to read, not so easy.

But I believe I have this gift- I love to write. I have scores of journals documenting every day of my life for years. I am passionate about things I want other people to know about. And really, how many dreams ever get fulfilled without hard work and a lot of risk-taking. So after an awesome consult with the ever-amazing Lauren (check her out at The Mad to Live) I dove in head first! I signed up for a domain name, re-vamped my blog, spiced up the theme, added some awesome pages to highlight who I am and what I am passionate about, and decided that I was going to believe in this and in myself.

I am going to write, create, and pursue my passions outside of the box society seems to think we should all fit into. This is my space in the world. This is my act of rebellion against a system that I never liked much anyways. This is my chance to change the path and to change the world. Maybe it fails, maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it takes a few tries,a few months, a few years. All I know is I will get up every single day prepared to change the world, take on risks, and write with the passion that is in my heart.

Check it out, read this and check out my causes page, and if you like what you see, read some more, contact me, or subscribe to my blog!

I am almost finished with my site!! I just have a few final design touches to add, but I am ready to get back to blogging and for the most part the site is functional. I will officially launch it soon..stay posted!!