As I was planning for married life, one of my goals was to tackle cooking. After 9 months or so of sharing a kitchen and cabinets and counter space, I was looking forward to having my own space to cook. Not to mention, we registered for all these cool gadgets so I figured I should probably learn how to use them. The thing is, I hate to cook. I have zero confidence when it comes to my skills in the kitchen and my mother-in-law is an EXCELLENT cook. I had big shoes to fill. Nevertheless, determination to be healthier and putting ourselves on a strict Dave Ramsey budget meant no more eating out and Jordan’s work schedule meant if we wanted to eat before 9:00, I was going to have to make dinner.
The whole idea of cooking just frustrates me. I like neat, orderly, and clean. Cooking is not. It is messy and the best recipes are those not on paper. (baby steps here, Jordan still laughs at me for following every recipe exactly) You should see the kitchen when I finish. Way too many pots and bowls are dirty, you can’t see the counter, but somewhere in all of it is a decent smelling meal. In fact, after a month, only one recipe has gotten a “don’t cook that again” response. And not because it was awful, just because neither of us really liked it. The sense of accomplishment I have when we sit down to eat is probably a tad ridiculous. I mean, I just made a meal, not scaled Mt. Everest.
As with most things, life lessons are never far behind and attempting to cook has taught me a lot in the past month.
For one, I am a decent cook. I haven’t burnt anything and nothing has tasted awful. In fact, some of my dishes have been really good. I won’t be opening a restaurant tomorrow, but I am growing more confident and my hatred for cooking is fading slowly. Despite this, I start almost every meal time with the phrase, “If you don’t like it, it’s ok, I will order a pizza.” But really what I am saying is, “I need your approval of my cooking.” I am an approval junkie. I crave the validation of what I do. And fear of failing or falling short of approval has kept me from trying a lot of things in life. I see this spilling over into many other areas of my life and I am slowly growing in this area. The reality is, Jordan married me because he loves me, not because of my stellar cooking skills. (good thing too..) If I make an awful meal, he will still love me. His love for me is not based on my cooking. Even more humbling, this is the same way God views me. His love and acceptance of us is not based on our actions. And yet, I find myself striving so hard to make God a perfect meal when all He is asking for is my willingness to try and for me to put my effort in His hands.
Life is messy. Just like cooking, sometimes we end the day with way too many dirty pots and dishes. Even more, sometimes we let the mess of life get in the way of true ministry. Rather than share our messes, we clean everything up and conceal all the evidence. One bright side to getting home before Jordan, he has no idea the mess I made in the kitchen. He does usually give me a hard time about the 5 pans I have washed, but he only sees a sink full of clean dishes. He does not see the work and effort and mess it took to make the meal. Perhaps we are doing the world a disservice by only letting the clean dishes be seen. I think our relationships and communities would be greatly enriched if we opened up our lives and let people in to see our dirty dishes. Perhaps literally and figuratively. I invited a dear friend for dinner the other night and by the time dinner was ready, I was slightly ashamed at the mess I had made of the kitchen. But my dear friend never said a word about the dirty dishes or the extra pots I used, she just thanked me for the meal and shared her heart with me over the messy counter. My life isn’t perfect and I am willing to bet yours isn’t either. Perhaps together we can start sharing our messy homes, dishes,and lives with each other. I believe true community will be found in the mess.
Lastly, sometimes you have to deviate from the recipe to create something truly wonderful. The other night I was running out of ideas and had already spent our grocery budget for the week so I took a jar of marinara sauce I had and just started adding whatever I could find in my kitchen and spice cabinet. I did not have a recipe. I didn’t measure anything. I just chopped and dashed and simmered. In the end, we ate spaghetti with some of the best sauce I have had in a while. I realized sometimes my rigid, color-coded, alphabetized schedule and life doesn’t leave room for the wonderful. It doesn’t leave space for spontaneity or laughter. And it often overlooks the needs right in front of my nose. Sometimes I need to give my schedule a rest and just be in the moment.
Will you join me in throwing off the need for approval, sharing our messes, and occasionally discarding our schedules in order to see the needs around us? I can only imagine all the ways lives would be changed if we did.
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As a bonus, here are two of my favorite recipes:
