Seriously.
Normally I write blog posts after much thought, contemplation, and serious reflection. Today, however, I just need to write because right now I am not sure I could tell you which way is up.
Three years ago I spent a very transformative two months in Africa. Life-altering is perhaps a better word. I mean, literally, the direction I thought my life was going in took a 180 degree turn. And while I could share with you story after story of why, it really boils down to one 30 minute home visit in which a naked child sat on my lap. In that moment, I felt helpless, out-of-place, and unsure of the direction my life was heading. As I came home, I wrestled long and hard with what I had seen and what it meant for my life. The past three years have been an intensely personal journey of trying to figure it out.
The journey has led me to the other side of the world and back, to changed career paths, changed life goals, and changed degree plans. However, one thing remained-the constant picture in my mind of poverty. A picture which now had a name and a face.
My world was rocked once again when I was met head on with the issue of human trafficking. I was instantly broken over a global crime racking in billions at the expense of precious lives. Tears flowed and my altered life course focused. No matter where I was in life or what I was doing, fighting human trafficking would be part of it.
It started small. Reading books, attending conferences, and adjusting my spending habits. I spent a lot of time researching out companies and labor practices. I looked at jobs and organizations fighting this crime and what the needs were and what I could do. I started identifying my strengths and what I had to offer. And I went back to school. If for no other reason then to give myself some added credibility.
Then I attended the Global Leadership Summit and something inside me shifted. I am a planner. I love to plans things, but sometimes I sell myself short on the action side of things. I always blame it on lack of qualification or experience or a myriad of other reasons why it would not work if I attempted it. Leave it to someone else. And then one of the pastor’s at my church said something that changed my life (and he probably did not even realize it!).
He said..
Your right, you’re not qualified.
At first I was a little taken aback. It seemed like a blunt thing to say to someone sharing their dream with you. And then it hit me. He was right. I am not qualified. But I serve a God who uses the unqualified. Who prepares the called. And who does the impossible.
During the last three weeks, things have fallen into place in ways I cannot explain. I have had conversations I can only describe as God-ordained. I have been offered help, made connections, and started actively moving towards something. Although at this point, I am not sure what. I just knew I had to stop planning and start doing. Even if doing was just talking to someone else.
It has all led up to a week full of opportunities and decisions needing to be made both prayerfully and quickly. And I believe to a line in the sand. To a point where God is saying, “are you all in ?” Are you willing to give up your security, your self-reliance, your dreams, and your path for Mine?
I have to admit. It’s a much harder decision then jumping out of a plane or moving to an island. Those things were detailed, calculated, and came with specifics. This week has left me with a lot of speculation, unanswered questions, and less than specific details. It has left me with a lot of wondering how much I am truly willing to trust God. And a lot of praying that manna from Heaven from fall in the form of money to pay bills. Ok.. just kidding. But you all may see support letters in your mailboxes in the very near future 😉
Stay tuned for details:)
