Audacious Faith

Audacious:  adjective

1.extremely bold or daring; recklessly brave; fearless

2.extremely original; without restriction to prior ideas; highly inventive

3.recklessly bold in defiance of convention, propriety, law, or the like; insolent; brazen.

4.lively; unrestrained; uninhibited

 

 

 

 A few years ago I made two decisions. One of them was a conscious, well-thought out decision. Simply put,  I was going to live life to its absolute fullest, face my fears, and throw caution to the wind. The second, I believe was more of a subconscious determination. I was going to make sure I never had to worry about my finances. Even if this meant working multiple jobs, which it normally did.  Those two decisions came from the same place-high school. After another job loss and another period of uncertainty about how far the money was going to go, I decided in my heart I did not ever want to experience this again. Sure, I trusted God, but I was not sure I could handle the continued stress of trusting Him over my finances. And since I spent a lot of high school feeling like I was always stuck in the shadows, I was determined to change this upon graduation.   Well, 6 years later, I have accomplished the two quite nicely. I worked several jobs all through college and have honestly never really worried much about money-I always had enough to live a crazy fun life. I have traveled the world, finished a triathlon, a half-marathon, and too many other races to name,  jumped out of a plane, and worked summer jobs that were way too much fun to be considered jobs. 

Then, in May, I moved home from my tropical island and shortly thereafter took a job back in Evansville to pursue my dream of going to graduate school.  Initially, things were ok. But the past two weeks have been a constant back and forth of stress and tears over how I was going to pay for all the bills I suddenly have.  Apartment rent, insurance, and utilities are not exactly cheap. Thus, I started to look for a second job. Actually, it would be job #3 as I am already working occasionally at the mall. I found one. It would have fit pretty perfectly in my schedule aside from meaning I would have to give up two nights of sleep a week, but when push comes to shove, I am a pretty motivated and determined person.  The extra money would have left me a nice cushion each month and left me essentially worry free. Until a conversation with a friend stopped me dead in my tracks.

Phil 4:19 says, “And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Matt 6:35 says, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

Phil 4:6 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Isaiah 58:10-11 say, “¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
   and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
   and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
   he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
   and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
   like a spring whose waters never fail. “

That’s when it hit me. Working multiple jobs has always been my plan. Somewhere along the road, I decided that I was going to safe-guard my life so that I did not have to be anxious over my finances. I am not rich by any means. I do not have excess, but I have always had plenty.  Ironically, in my small group we have been studying a book called Sun Stand Still. I highly recommend it and will probably blog more about it later when we finish. The premise of the book is living by audacious faith-the kind that allows you to pray prayers asking for the sun to stand still.  Go back up and read the definition of audacious. I like the idea of living extremely original and fearless-audacious. But beyond that, I came to the conclusion that I had no problem living an audacious life in the here and now, but when it came to trusting in God, audacious is probably the exact opposite of the word I would use.  My answer, get a second job, which while doable would probably not have been enjoyable. God’s answer, trust Him because at the end of the day, I am most happy when I am serving and giving.

Thus, things will be tight. Extremely tight. I will have to be disciplined and careful, but I do not have to be anxious. While God does move mountains, I also strongly believe He can provide for a hair cut or an electric bill to be paid if those are currently the pressing needs. I can point to time and time again He has done just that in my life. So I turned down the job and took perhaps one of the first true steps of faith I have taken in a long time. I am giving up the fear, the worry, the anxiety in return for peace, faith, and an ultimate trust based in the faithfulness of a Savior that does not fail. Perhaps the world may say this is not the smartest move. I am not even sure it is, but faith often defies logic.

This is my audacious move. What is yours?