Seems like lately life has been full of a million changes that are also revealing more of myself to myself. Weird concept I guess, but it seems the more the outside changes, the more the inside changes. Growth we will call it. But there is one thing that has never changed. I do not like groups. Perhaps cliques or clubs or small groups are better words. Regardless of what you call them, I have never been one that wants to attach themselves to a group. I can tell you exactly why.
6th grade. Rough year I think for a lot of people. I had just moved half-way across the country, far from the only life and only friends I had ever known. I started a new school and because I was the new girl got instantly included in the “popular” group. It was awesome, or so I thought. I had friends that ate lunch with me, talked to me at my locker, dated only the cute boys-we were the “in” crowd. All was well until one day, I noticed a girl eating lunch by herself. I don’t think anyone should ever eat alone and so I decided to sit with her thinking my friends would understand. I mean, she was sitting by herself. Well, after a few days, the leader of the popular crowd comes to my locker and gives me an ultimatum. Them or her. I had to choose. I couldn’t be friends with both of them. I was devastated. I can still vividly remember sitting on the porch crying as I was now faced with an awful decision. I kept sitting with the girl. Which was fine until a few weeks later, the popular crowd decided they liked this girl and invited her to lunch, not me. In one month I lost both groups of friends. Thankfully, it turned out ok and I made a group of friends I still keep in touch with. We were so much alike and a bunch of nerds who sat around and read animorph books and played four-square at lunch. Not to mention we are all friends with most of the school in some capacity or another. I would have never talked to them had I not been “kicked” out of the popular kid group and eventually even the popular kids started talking to me again.
However, ever since then I have never wanted to attach myself solely to one group. I know what its like to feel left out, to be made to choose sides, and to ultimately get left behind anyways. I also know what its like to have friends that are your friend because of you, not because of who you hang out with. Thing is, one being part of one group, lends itself to one unpleasant consequence. You often get left out of all the groups. This happened numerous times in high school as I was friends with everyone and no one at the same time it seemed. I liked everyone, but when Friday night rolled around, it seemed more often than not, more people forgot about me. Same thing happened in college. When you are friends with everyone, sometimes it can feel like you are friends with no one. Thing is, I am still not willing to give in and attach myself to one group. I am a little weird. I can eccentric interests. And I am easily entertained. This leads me to be able to be friends with all variety of people. Yet sometimes, at the end of the day, I do wish there was that one friend you could always count on.
I had a friend like that in Saipan. But I am learning that what works so perfectly on a small island does not translate so well into the big sea of America. I am learning that being part of a group is how things operate. And if you aren’t part of a group, its sorta like a fish swimming upstream. Nevertheless, swimming I will continue because I know that life is much better when you are friends with everyone. And because you just never know when someone else needs a friend. Sure, I may end up spending some more Friday nights alone. And I may end up feeling left out a time or two. But then again, that just better enables me to minister to those who always feel left out. To love those who never feel like they fit in. Because I feel that way to. And I have made some of the most amazing friends and met some incredible people because I didn’t limit myself. Because I didn’t stay attached to one specific group.
So today my challenge is: step outside of your group for a minute and make a new friend. You just never know how much of an impact you may make. And you may never know when being left out is the best way to find a place where you fit in.
