I am lost- once again in my life I’m admitting defeat. My plans aren’t working, my agenda doesn’t seem to be the one God has, and fighting against Him is pointless. All I’ve done is make my family mad at me, my friendships suffer, and myself miserable. All my life it’s been so easy to wake up and put on a mask, its become part of my wardrobe. I try to mask my pain, my heartache, my feelings of utter loneliness. I know the right thing..I know I should trust in God, I know I shouldn’t be lonely..and I could go on about what I know..but somewhere simply knowing falls short. It isn’t enough to simply know. I think God is trying to teach me that..perhaps the purpose behind my dad losing his job was to teach me that I know a lot..but knowing isn’t enough. I need to have faith..faith that can move mountains. I need to trust in verses like Jer.29:11 which has long been one of my favorites. Somehow I have to take all the knowledge I have in my head and turn it into something I believe with my heart. I have to turn it into actions I take part in. Is that easy? No Way! Can it be done? Of course..but only with the help of my savior. I appreciate your prayers and encouragement..they have been treasured greatly. I must take the next step..I must be willing to be honest and to allow God to teach me and others to help me. Will it take time? Yes..it usually does with me..I like to do things slowly, but God is patient..something I am very thankful for!
I’m out..
Amanda
