Tonight I told my husband I needed to become less likable and less dependable. I was dead serious.
He responded, “You just need to learn to say no.”
Thing is, I had not even told him the reason for my desire to be disliked. He already knew. I knew too. But as a person who has felt left out and less than most of her life, saying no when asked to do something is a really, really hard thing for me. I feel as though if I say no, people will forget about me, they will move on, and I will be left unnoticed and alone. The root of all of this, of course, is finding my pleasure in what other people think of me. If you have figured out how to live with complete abandon to what those around you think, please let me know the secret.
Although I think I already know. The secret is finding joy in Jesus. Finding my sense of worth in who He is, not in what others think or what my resume looks like, or my impressive community service record. And tonight, as I sat down on my couch for a minute, I realized how quickly I was self-destructing. One yes at a time. (for the record, if you read my blog, you may notice this is a theme) My plate is filling up and my soul is growing emptier and emptier. For all churches and organizations ask of people, we often do a lousy job of taking care of those same people (but that is for a different blog).
The worst part of it all is I really just want to finish hanging pictures on my walls, organize a closet in my office, print some wedding pictures, and vacuum. All things neglected for the sake of volunteerism. Don’t get me wrong, I love everything I am involved in and I have made some wonderful friends. But I thought I would get married and life would slow down. I was looking forward to yard sales and coffee dates and reading. Not so many meetings I can’t keep them straight, more committees than I can juggle, and a constant stream of e-mails asking something else of me. So I am going to take up the wise words of one of my favorite authors Bob Goff.
“Every single Thursday, I quit something.”
And I am going to blog about it. Because I love to blog and this poor thing has been neglected lately. Perhaps I will quit a bad habit, or a lie I am believing, or an activity. Regardless, Thursdays are going to be “Quit It” days. So stay tuned for Thursday. And perhaps you would like to join me. On Thursdays, you can comment on what you are going to quit that day. We can do this together and slowly stop placing our worth in what we do and place in the One who loves us. Period.
